Life Is An Earthquake

     Sometimes in life we feel empty. Things get messy and confusing. Life hurts; mostly it hurts because it changes. Things shift and you have no control over it. It's in the little things like who sits next to who at Christmas dinners. You notice it when suddenly conversations become about what's in theaters instead of your dreams and naming stars. Growing up is one big tectonic plate shifting and shaking your world and just when you think things are going back to normal, you think things are slowing down, everything comes to a screeching halt. What no one tells you about sudden stops is that there's still momentum that crashes everything that's left into the ground. It hurts and it's painful.

     You pick yourself up off of the ground and brush the dust off. Scrambling around trying to gather everything you hold dear. It looks different for everyone; gluing the pieces together that is. Sometimes it's sharing with someone you don't even know. It's sacrifice and giving of yourself. It's letting old dreams die and trying desperately to find a new one. It's fighting with everything you have. It's climbing until you fall down exhausted and then forcing yourself to go one step more. 

     More often than we'd like to admit there is no putting it back together. It's changed and it will never be the same again. We get angry and lash out. We feel abandoned. We become depressed. We curl up inside of ourselves and mourn all that we've lost. We scream, kick, cry, and hit. We try to make sense of everything. We close our tear filled eyes and pray that when we wake up we realize that it will all just be a bad dream. It's not. This is life. It changes us and knocks us flat and it sucks. It hurts and sometimes it leaves us feeling empty and defeated and confused. We want to give up. Stop trying. Just lay down and never give up. That's just how it is.

     I get it, I understand. Here's what I have to say it sucks. It will and you don't have to pretend like everything is okay. Kick, scream, and cry if that's what you need to do. It's okay to be upset. What's not okay is to give up on yourself. Never...ever give up on yourself. You can keep going. You can and you will.

Happy New Year

     I just wanted to take some time to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope you have a great one. As I look back on this year I am in awe. There were times this year when I thought I wasn't going to make it. I thought I couldn't handle the pressure and I thought I was just going to give up. There were also moments of insurmountable joy and incredible memories to look back upon.
     This year was hard I lost friends and other people I cared about. I started a new job and ventured into new and scary things. I battled things I never thought I would have to face in ministry, work, friendships, and my own personal life. My appendix ruptured and I was in the hospital for a long amount of time because everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I had heart breaks and sad days. There were times when I sat in room and cried in despair and there were times when I screamed and through things against the wall. It was by no means an easy year. It was draining, stressful, confusing, and emotional.
     It wasn't all bad either. In fact in some ways it was amazing. I was accepted for an internship in Thailand starting next summer. I had amazing adventures with my friends and family. I made incredible friendships and memories. My "baby brother" was born and my family gained two new children through foster care. I went to PBR and explored Devil's Den. By God's provision 95% of my hospital bill from my surgery was covered by financial assistance. Christ revealed his love and grace to me over and over even though I failed him time and time again. I spent time with those I loved doing what I loved. I read new books and wrote new stories and began brand new chapters in my life.
     No this year has not been easy but it has been rewarding. I just want to say Happy New Year and give you some hope. This year had moments that I thought I couldn't survive but I did. No matter what has happened or what will happen you can survive. You will survive. Yes life hurts sometimes but it is also a joy sometimes.
     If I spend so much time in distress over my hospital bill that I miss the joy in having a baby brother to love then I'm really not living am I? So, no matter what happens or comes your way take time to enjoy the mountain highs even while you're stuck in the valley. Happy New Year!!