Same same but different

Three weeks ago I went to get my belly button pierced. The place was very nice and with the coupon I had it was very reasonably priced. I went laid down on the bed she put a clamp on my belly. After a few moments she shoved a hollow needle through it and eventually changed the needle out for a ring. It didn't phase me at all. I had some problems later but that is a story for a different day. 

The next week I went to get some blood tests (not bad just routine for a new doctor). It was a nice place but very hospitally (again very normal for a hospital). The girls were nice. I waited my turn and sat down in the chair where they  were going to take the blood. I sat down and watched the girl across from me get like six tubes of blood taken. Thinking since it didn't phase her I should be fine. Man was I wrong. I held still and waited for her to put my needle in my arm. She found the vein with one stab (which is kid of miraculous in itself). She took two tubes of blood and was done. She started taking the needle out when it happened. The world started to go black and then I passed out. Not just out but like out for a full minute, waking up not knowing where I was or what was going on. Waking up I tried to play it cool and make a stupid comment about passing out. Then I promptly passed out again just as long as the time before. They then made me sit for quite a while and drink a sickly amount of orange juice. 

The point of telling the two stories is this. Sometimes two things that can seem so similar. A bigger needle shoved all the way through the skin and something put in and left in no big deal while a smaller needle joked just into the side of my arm causes complete shut down of whole body. 

Things in theory that are very similar but in reality very different. Same as the concept of underwear and swim suits. I find our culture and Christianity's view of love very much the same way. On the outside it looks very much the same but deep down our reaction to both are very different. 

Our culture tells us that love is fulfilling ourselves through the use of other people and when we are done we can throw them away. It is based on your feelings and emotions while those of the other person are not considered. We see it all the time broken marriages and relationships because one or the other doesn't feel it anymore. 

Christianity tells us love is fulfilling the other through our actions. Building them up. Doing this does not only build the other up it builds you together as a couple. 

What our culture says is love is really lust. Living off their emotions and pleasure. How often does our world say "if it's love you'll have sex" or "you will let the other degrade your core values". How can that be healthy and currently because of this mindset we have younger and younger people getting pregnant and doing things they are not ready for because they feel alone and they think that relationship will fill that void. Not from personal experience but based on the experiences of my friends and peers I can say a majority of the time it may fill that void for a short period of time but as soon as that relationship is over it leaves an emptiness even larger than the one they started with.

Again a Christian relationship that is being pursued for the right reasons is the opposite. Christianity tells us "what can I do to build this person up" or "how can we better peruse Christ through this relationship?" Growing together in The Lord not just as a couple. It is never just the two of you God is always there in the midst of your relationship. 

So all in all be warned about love. When talking to someone you may think something while they mean something completely different. 

1 Peter 4:8 
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (NIV)

The Grocery Store

     There are moments in life that stick with you, that make an impression, moments that come back to your mind years later with a strong sense of emotion and nostalgia. Moments that come back and say hey this is important. Sometimes they feel like happened yesterday and the memory is real. Sometimes they're reminders of where we were and where we plan on never going again. And, sometimes, as in this case, they're something that someone had once said to you that you had completely forgotten about. Only to remember over a year later and realize how important those words were to you.
     I worked a grocery store for 8 months before I started my undergrad year (I'm a second year now) at Honor Academy of The Ozarks. I worked to save up money for HAO (because we can't have jobs during our first year, as second years we can have jobs if we could find anyone that would hire us) and we have to pay tuition and buy our own food. So, I was being smart and saving up. Good job Kaitlin! Anyway, so I got this job at the store as a cashier. For the most part I liked it. I got along with the people I worked with, it was pretty easy, but I mean I was a cashier so it's not like I was super in love with it. It was a great first job to have. Plus, I had to work with the general public. For the most part I liked it. You have your super happy people, the polite people, the people that just want to get through the line, people that don't speak English, people with WIC checks that pretend like they don't speak English, stoners, guys that hit on you, complete jerks, and then the regulars. Let me tell you, employees love the regulars. There are people that come to the store a lot and then there are the regulars. The regulars are people that know your name and you know theirs, they come to the store everyday sometimes a few times a day, you know what they're buying before they even get through the doors. They aren't always nice, we had one regular that as soon as he walked in it was almost a race to see who could get to a bathroom break first. Yet, at the same time it was nice to see him come in because despite whatever it was he belonged there as much as we did. They all did.
     We had one guy, a regular, and he always came in looking upset. He never smiled, never said hi, nothing. Occasionally he would talk to one of the floor managers and that was it. For whatever reason I decided that I was going to make him smile and say hi to me. I was going to make this man be happy. So, every time he would come into the store I would wave and shout, no matter who was in my line, hey there favorite customer it's great to see you! For the first little while he always looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn't stop doing it. Then one day he came through my line. Didn't smile, didn't say anything, he just came through my line. After that he came through my line every single time he came to the store and I was working. Well I chatted him up every time. Always called him my favorite customer, asked him about his day, told him that I was having a great day, and always ended by telling him that seeing him is what made my day. One day it was like a flip switched. He came through my line smiling and he talked to me a little bit. I was so happy, then as he was walking off he turned around came back to my register and said, "Thank you." That was it. Just thank you.
     After that things changed. He would come through my line laughing and talking, we would joke around. One time I had a ridiculously long line and he went to stand at a different register and I remember jokingly calling, "Where do you think you are going? Get over here and stand in my line. He did, he stood in my line for twenty minutes. I was amazed at the change I had seen in one customer just because I decided I was going to make him smile. It was incredible. I was so humbled at the fact that God allowed me to be used to reach this man in even the tiniest way. Then to humble me even more God used this man to speak to me.
     About three weeks before I was supposed to move out and start HAO I become utterly terrified and decided I wasn't going. It was to far from home, it was too hard, I didn't know anyone, and I was not going to go. I had turned in my two weeks notice and all of the regulars and employees knew I was leaving. I made my favorite customer promise to come in on my last day and say goodbye to me. About ten minutes before I my shift was over he came in and didn't even buy anything just stood in my line.
     He looked at me and said, "I'm going to miss you but I'm proud of you. You're going to go on and get an education and do great things. Don't give up. It's a good thing what you're getting ready to go do. Don't be scared. Fear has no place where you're going. I'll miss you, but I know this is best. Go on and make us all proud. I know you're going to make me proud."
     After he left our floor manager looked and me and said, "wow, he's never talked to anyone before. We're going to miss you around here."
     Since leaving I still think about him and all the other regulars and employees and I miss them. I miss all of them. Most of all I miss the quiet old man that never spoke. The customer that I worked on and worked on just to get him to smile. I miss him because in the end it wasn't me helping him, it was him telling me exactly what I needed to hear. Giving me the courage to move on and go where God called me to go. So, the moral of this story is smile at someone, it might change your life.

~Carrots

Texas and Idealism

     I love Texas, or rather the idea of Texas. I am very idealistic, in theory. My thought life, or rather daydreams, seem to reflect the ideal life. Where everyone is just, things are always fair, the good guy always wins, and everything ends in a happily ever after kiss. I often feel that my daydreams are the epitome of Jimmy Stewart's character, Jefferson Smith, in Mr. Smith Goes To Washington. I believe and hope for the best. Yet, often times I feel like the words that come out of my mouth may not reflect the purest, untainted version of any original thought I may have had. Somehow between my brain and my mouth life, age, cynicism, and the world seem to stain my words. I'm one of those people. You know what I'm talking about. One of those people that doesn't associate with any political party because I don't like any of them. One of those people that is convinced that every man I pass on the street is a rapist (then again that could be a girl thing). One of those people that think society's morals and ethics are being sucked into a black hole never to be seen again. One of those people that as much as I talk, I am completely and utterly terrified that good will never truly win in the world and evil will triumph and I'm going to be tortured to death for my beliefs. Yep...one of those people. Yet, when I visit Texas I suddenly feel peace. In my mind Texas is the one place where there is justice and right and truth prevail. I know, I know....I've lost you know. Let me explain.
     In my mind Texas is the place where Justice prevails every time, people work hard for what they have, everyone's honest, and the good guy still rides in a saves the day. Texas is still old fashioned in my mind. Full of farmers, cowboys, and Chuck Norris. If you hurt a kid or kill someone there is no insanity pleads or allowances. You kill someone and you're killed...never to kill again. If you want something you work for it and if you have something it's because you worked for it. Everyone has a fair chance it's just up to you to take it. Plus, Chuck Norris. I mean seriously if Chuck Norris is in a place it's a safe place. In my mind Texas is full of God fearing people and morals and ethics aren't corrupt. Biblical standards are upheld and life is good and sweet. Now, I only visit Texas a couple of times a year and I always go to the Honor Academy campus. So, I don't see a whole lot of Texas and I don't know very many people that are Texas born and breed. For all I know the rest of Texas could be horrible.
     The reason I share this is because I recently went to Texas and and going back in a couple weeks and the as soon as I crossed the state line I felt peace and nostalgia for something I have never known. A perfect world. Whether it be Texas or not I think everyone has a place that for them represents idealism and a hypothetically perfect world. That is perfectly okay. If it can take the edge off of daily cynicism to pretend that there's a place within reach that is ideal then go for it. Just remember the earth is temporary and there will never be perfection until we reach Heaven. But, while I'm here I'll keep dreaming to Texas.

~ Carrots