It has been so long since I posted something and so much has happened and changed. I'm going to be an aunt (again!), I got some incredible news today...but I have to keep it under wraps for a couple weeks, some of my very close friends are getting married soon and I get to be part of their special day, and I applied for a seven month internship to Thailand...yep seven whole months in another country. I haven't officially been accepted yet, so I haven't started fundraising yet, but I know I'm going. This is something God has asked me to do and I am totally pumped...and totally terrified. I put off applying for a long time because I was scared. Scared of what exactly? Leaving the country, being away from my friends and family, being replaces by my friends and family while I'm gone, death...yes, death. Open your ears to what's going on around the world right now, death is something reasonable to be afraid of. I put it off and put it off and while expressing all of my fears and concerns to my incredible best friend she affirmed me until I asked, "but what if I die?" She looked straight at me and said, "what if you do? Would you rather live miserable outside the will of God, or die inside the will of God doing what you're passionate about?"
I had to stop and think and really pray about that question. I mean in this internship I get to go to Thailand and work with Sex Trafficking victims and do what I love and what I'm called to do. Haven't I said before that I would give my life to help these people and to be able to pursue my dream? I've said it but did I really mean it?
Now, I'm not saying I think I'm going to Thailand because I don't really, but would I be willing to go if there was a 100% chance I would die. That was the question I had to ask myself, that's something I had to deal with and pray about. How far am I willing to go when it comes to serving the Lord. It's a question we all have to ask ourselves. After a lot of prayer and sleepless nights I applied. I signed up said I wanted to go. As soon as I did...peace. The fear I had been wrestling with, GONE. The doubt, gone. Anxiety, gone. All of it was gone. By being inside the will of God I had peace that extended beyond the list of bad things that could happen to me. It's a peace that extends beyond death.
I'm still nervous, but I'm not scared anymore because I know I'm preparing to do what God has called me to do. I'm not scared because I know that no matter what happens to me while I'm there it will be worth it. It will be worth it all.
P.S. Expect lots of updates as I begin fundraising for this incredible journey! I leave Fall 2016 and it's going to be amazing.
