Saying Goodbye Sucks

     I've had tons of experience saying goodbye in my short lifetime. Saying goodbye to town, schools, houses, friends, family, favorite places, memories, and seasons of life. I've been told it gets easier as time goes on, but I don't think that's true. I think it's something we tell ourselves to try and make ourselves feel better every time a goodbye is coming up. This week I had another goodbye. I had to say goodbye to a lot of things. I said goodbye to some emotional investments I had made, I had to say goodbye to my sister after she spent the weekend at my house, after a year of not being an intern this class' graduation brought another wave of saying goodbye to my internship experience and Texas, and I had to say goodbye to Megan.
     Three interns, Holli, Ben, and Megan, all graduated from their undergrads year a few days ago and I consider all of them to be great friends. Holli and Ben are sticking around...Megan is moving back to Wisconsin. It sucks.
     Every time I say goodbye to my sister I get a little teary but I also know she's my sister and she'll always be around. I'll see her again and we'll talk on the phone and the distance may ache but we're still with each other. Saying goodbye to friends isn't that way. In all honesty we don't if or when we'll see each other again. We don't know for how long or how consistently we'll stay in contact. Maybe we made a friendship that will last a lifetime and span the distance, like I've been blessed enough to have with Kate, or maybe we'll cry and miss each other and try for a while and then wake up one day and realize we haven't talked in months. At the moment I can't fathom that happening and I'm still crying over what I feel I've lost, but that could very likely be the reality that's facing me.
     Anyway, so we gathered in Hurts Donuts for our last hoorah and shortly after getting some deliciousness my sister and Holli's family left (we're from the same town so they took my sister home), we went outside and told them goodbye, teared up, and had to go back inside. The real blow came when we get back inside and Megan's mom is standing up and saying it was time to leave at which point I lost it and started bawling. The flood gates had opened in the middle of a donuts shop and there was no stopping it. We ended up in a loft away from everyone in a very strange group hug, Holli, Megan, and I, and cried. There was no way I was letting Megan leave me. Who else was I supposed to fangirl over The Jonas Brothers with? Or watch High School Musical? Who's clothes was I going to steal? Who would be able to be Megan and Kaitlin with me if I have no Megan? No one.
     Eventually we went back down took pictures in which I'm sure we were all red and blotchy and Megan left and I was left with the ache of another goodbye and the hole that takes away your breath when you feel like you're losing someone that means the world to you. It sucks and that feeling hasn't gone away yet and I don't know when it will. I haven't really stopped crying and I don't know when that will happen either. All I know is through goodbyes and separations life will go on. It has to. There is no grand life lesson or revelation in this post other than this bit of encouragement. We all go through goodbyes and loss and we all survive. So, when you're facing a goodbye that you think might kill you remember this, it will not kill you, your will survive, and you're not alone.