God Told Me To Go, Jesse Told Me To Write About It

     I'm writing this honestly because Jesse told me I should. We were sitting outside Starbuck, Carmel Brule latte in hand, gazing at the Christmas lights our town had already put up when I started telling her this story. Before I was done something along the lines of, "Why haven't you blogged about this, you need to blog about this now." Came out of her mouth. That was Monday....it's Thursday and I'm finally getting around to starting this post. At first I wanted to be selfish and keep it for me, I wanted my little story and experience to belong to me. God gave it to me. Then I started thinking about how ridiculous I was being, what if someone else needed to hear this? That's why God reveals things to us isn't it? So we can pour it into other people? Well, here's my little story and my little experience that made a big impact for me personally.
    
     Little bit of back story....I work a part time job at a local non-profit. As you can imagine this pays basically nothing and I literally have no idea how I manage to pay rent and buy groceries every month. I had been praying and felt God telling me to stay at my job a little while longer, this is frustrating. I also developed the overwhelming desire and need to start college in January, I prayed about it and felt like I should start applying but I can't afford even one class without financial aid so it felt like a big joke and fruitless endeavor. This is extremely frustrating. My life has basically been stress and penny pinching and become depressed and anxious about my future and worrying about every little thing. A couple weeks ago my sister came to stay with me for the weekend, after church on Sunday I met my parents half way and dropped her off.

     As I was starting the drive back to Missouri I realized that I would have 2 1/2 hours in the car alone so I started to pray, and sing, I turned on worship music, and I spent that time with God. When I got about 45 minutes away from home I had this overwhelming urge of, I need to go to church tonight. The thing is my church doesn't normally have Sunday night services and even if we did I wouldn't have made it back in time. Then God dropped a church I had driven past on my way out in my head. It was about 20 minutes up the road and I knew that I could make it as long as I didn't stop, I didn't even know the denomination of the church, I just knew that, that was where I needed to be that night. I pull into the parking lot at 5:59, the sign says church starts at 6:00....there are only 2 cars in the parking lot. Anyway so I go inside and the Pastor is there with a couple people from the church and low and behold on the last Sunday of the month they don't have an evening service they have an afternoon fellowship and afternoon service instead. Basically, I showed up for church and there was no church. So, I end up going into his office to speak with him. Throughout our conversation I mentioned that my dad is a Pastor.
      "Oh, where is you dad a Pastor?"
      "Kansas," I told him.
      Turns out he was from Kansas too. He had been born there, raised there, graduated high school, met his wife, and got married there. Naturally I asked him where in Kansas he was from expecting Topeka or Salina but no...he looked at me and said, "Arkansas City." I stopped....because that's where I'm from and once you leave Ark City you never run into anyone from Ark City ever again until you go back for a visit. It's just one of those towns that no one leaves...so I knew right then and there that was a total God thing, and God had my absolute undivided attention. When I told him I was from Ark City I saw the look on his face, he knew, he knew I was here for a very specific reason.

      The details of our conversation aren't too important and honestly I won't lie, this is getting to be a long post and I've probably lost most of you at this point and I'm too lazy to write the whole thing anyway. Basically, after that all I told him was that I was currently working and trying to go to school. I didn't tell him anything about my financial situation or how hard it is for me to go to school or anything.

     Out of the blue, and what seemed rather off topic, he told me that the story of how he met his wife is incredible. Of course I thought he would then tell me the story of how he met his wife. Instead he said, "Let me tell you what I learned from our story. I learned to trust God. To completely let go of my life and let him take control. I learned that when I let go he works it out. He brings us amazing and better things, he brings us to new places. We have to stop trying to figure out and make it work because that's not our job, it's his. God figures out. The desires of our hearts, the things we want, our plans, and the things that God has called and asked us to do that seem impossible...we can't stress over them. We can't crunch the numbers and lay awake at night and worry about it. We can't make the move on our own and try to make it fit together and work. If God called us to do it, if he placed the desire in our heart then he'll make it work. He'll come in and bring all together but not until we set it down and let him completely have it."

     Talk about hearing exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't say much I just nodded and smiled and soaked it all in. Then before I left he asked if he could pray for me and I said yes. We started praying and it was a pretty typical, thank you for bringing her here, type of prayer. Then in the middle of praying he pauses and starts again with, "Lord, just take this time to remind Kaitlin that you are her security. Financially, physically, spiritually, emotionally...you are her security. You're her provider and her protector and she doesn't need to worry because you care for her."

     Again....right what I needed to hear. Even as I type it, I need to hear it again. Man...I really don't know how to wrap up this blog only to say maybe you needed this too. Trust God, and yeah. I leave you with a promise to work on my conclusions.

~Carrots

    

5 Women That Impacted My Life In Unimaginable Ways

     This morning while taking a shower I did some thinking, because we all know that the best thinking happens in the shower it's a scientific fact. I was thinking about the women in my life that have helped to shape the woman I am now. Because no matter how I try to ignore the fact, I am no longer a little girl with daydreams, I am now a woman with goals. As unsure of myself and my future, financially unstable, and anxious I may be....I also have plans, goals, dreams, a passionate heart, a surety that everything will work out, faith in myself and God to get me to where I need to be, two feet to stand on, and what I like to think is a good head on my shoulders. I was thinking about people in my life, more specifically the women in my life, that have changed me, shaped me, and guided me through out my life. I decided to write about them, this is sort of a thank you blog. To them, to the amazing women of my life. When I look over my life these five women stand out in my mind. They're incredible role models and all share one thing...they helped me discover something, taught me something, or gave me something. I want to share them and what they taught me with you.

     Liz Hansen In the summer of 2007, at 13 years old, I went on a missions trip to Costa Rice with Global Expeditions. As a missionary I was put in a small group of 3 with other girls from my trip and we roomed together, ate together, and ministered together. We were also given a missionary advisor, an older woman, to kind of be out big sister/mom/aunt/leader for the trip. My MA was an intern from the Honor Academy named Liz Hansen. Of all 5 of these women, I spent the smallest amount of time with Liz. I spent two weeks with her, and only two weeks. Two weeks is not that large of an amount of time, but it was enough. Liz helped me begin to realize my worth and value and my identity. We had a rule in our group that if we said something negative about ourselves we had to say 3 real, deep, and important positive things about ourselves. It may seem silly but when you're a 13 year old girl wearing cargo shorts with a ridiculous haircut hearing yourself say those things and having someone older, that you look up to affirm those positive things means a lot and hey I still remember it 7 years later. I had a lot of late night talks with Liz about myself and my thoughts and what I thought about myself. She shared her testimony with me. I was insecure and thought I didn't matter. Liz spoke truth over my life and she made me speak truth over myself. She showed me that I was the amazing, precious, and powerful daughter of Christ. Liz was the first person that I was related to and that I thought was cool to look at me and tell me that I was beautiful and that I mattered. Liz has had a lasting impact on my life ever since then in other ways too. Liz was an intern at The Honor Academy in Texas and I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to do the internship and go on a missions trip and be a MA for someone and I wanted to be someone's Liz. As I grew up the reasoning behind wanting to do the internship shifted a little bit but I never would have done it had it not been for Liz. I joined The Honor Academy of The Ozarks, August 2012. I did two years at the internship. My second year I become a Core Advisor (year round MA for younger interns) and I went on a missions trip and I was an MA and I got to be somebody's Liz. Then there's the fact that the internship completely changed my life and the course of my life and helped figure out what I wanted to do with my life...and it all started with Liz. So, thank you Liz.  (That's Liz in the black shirt, and my group.)

Kim Bowmaster Science and Math have always been my two least favorite subjects. Mrs.Bow was my 8th grade science teacher and her impact was not causing my to love science. She did try though. Really the impact from Mrs.Bow came from the afternoons I spent in her class room hanging out after school was over, writing "poodles are evil," over and over again on her white board. I don't know why I was in her room those afternoons...I wasn't in trouble, I wasn't getting tutoring or anything...I was just there hanging out. Mrs.Bow was a great teacher...she made learning science fun, even for me. Through out the year between spending time in her class and spending time in her classroom after class I spent a lot of time with her. I spent a lot of time talking and reading and doing whatever it is 8th graders do after school. We talked about the fact that I hated science class and would rather be in English...and I was always amazed that while she did try to make science fun for me she mainly encouraged me in my love for English, writing, and literature. We talked about my plans for the future and what I wanted to do with my life. She was with me while my mind went from being a teacher, to photographer, to journalist, to war correspondent, to author, to where I've finally landed in my future goals as working with victims of Human Trafficking. She encouraged me in each of these dreams and endeavors. She always made sure and told me how proud she was of me even if the pursuit and passion was not the subject that she herself taught and loved....because she didn't just teach science because she loved science....she taught students because she loved students. Mrs.Bow always encouraged me to do what I loved even if it wasn't what other people wanted me to do...or even what they loved doing. She always told me how smart, creative, and passionate I was. She believed in me. She let me know that I could do whatever I wanted to do as long as I worked hard and never gave up. She helped me believe in myself. Realize that I didn't have to be talented, or passionate, or love what everyone else loved or was talented at as long as I realized what I wanted, what I could do, and as long as I helped other people. She always told me that helping and loving other people was more important than whatever I could accomplish, and she showed me that through her actions and her teaching. I am talented, and creative, and passionate, but if I don't  use that to help other people along the way then I'm not really accomplishing anything. I still keep in touch with Mrs.Bow through snail mail and e-mails...and she is still the same amazing woman. She still encourages me, tell me she's proud of me, and loves me. Thank you Mrs.Bow for loving me, believing in me, and encouraging me through out my journey.

Andrea Berthot Mrs. Berthot has been my debate coach, forensics coach, creative writing teacher, advanced creative writing teacher, English 3 teacher, a walking book recommendation, a writing mentor, and a huge encouragement throughout my high school life. Mrs. Berthot helped me in several ways. She helped me discover my passion for public speaking, and helped me explore and further my passions for writing and literature. She gave me writing advice and encouragement (and FYI she'll soon be a published author so that's awesome!) She told me to keep working because my stuff is worth being published. Mrs. Berthot gave me something else as well...she did something very similar to what Liz and Mrs.Bow did....just in a different way and at a different time in my life. She helped me believe in myself. She told me I was beautiful, that I was talented, that I had a story worth telling, and every time I heard her tell me that I was a good at speaking or that she loved reading what I wrote and I shouldn't stop I began to think that I really could do all that I wanted to do and that I wanted just do it, but I would be good at it and I would reach people. She taught me that I was powerful, and that I didn't need to earn acceptance or love because I was worth it. To me she is a living example of power and owning your awesomeness and not being afraid to be who you truly are or to do what you what you love and not let other people hold you back and to not doubt yourself. She helped me grasp the concept and the action of believing in myself and believing all the truths about myself. I spent a lot of time in Mrs. Berthot's room and not just because she taught 5 of my classes. I often spent my science hour in there (but I had a note!), lunches, mornings before school, and sometimes a few minutes after school. I am currently working on a book that I started in her class, and yes it's a long process, but I'm working on it and a love it....and it's because of her. I'm writing because of her. I now speak in public, often, because of her...and I have I recognize my potential, my power, and my worth a little more than when I entered her classroom for the very first time, because of her. Mrs.Berthot used her position and her own story to help me get through high school, pursue my passions, and move forward in life....but she didn't help just me. She helped every single girl that walked through her door that took time to listen to what she was really telling us between readings of The Crucible, and writing critiques, and filing information into tub after tub. Between the essays, books, research, and grammar she told us all that we were loved, we were beautiful, we were powerful, we mattered, and that we could change the world. I for one listened....and I for one was changed, and I know I'm not the only one. Thank you Mrs. Berthot....thank you so much.  

Ashley Wolf August 2012 I moved out of my parents house and started Honor Academy of The Ozarks....when I walked through the door there was a very very pregnant woman waiting for me. Her name is Ashley and at the time her title was Intern Manager (now she's the Director of Operations). Ashley is more than just my intern manager (especially since I'm not an intern anymore) she's now become my leader, mentor, "big sister", confidant, encourager, and friend. Ashley can look at me and know what's wrong, why it's wrong, and exactly what to say. Ashley has been with me through so much in the past two years. Numerous break downs, my failures, she has sat with me in the hospital while I was high on pain killers, singing Disney songs and talking to imaginary people, she's been with me while I went from being spiritually immature to a somewhat slightly more mature leader. She has seen me at my very best and my very worst. I don't know how to write in a paragraph how much Ashley means to me and all that she's taught me. Ashley showed me what it means to truly be a Godly leader. She taught me important things like serving, working hard, how to correctly correct people, he important of communication, how to approach people, that it's okay to ask for help, to always rely on God, and so so much more. Basically, Ashley is the epitome of what I the kind of person and leader that I want to be. I will never forget about a month into my 2nd year at the internship and my brand new leadership role and I was so overwhelmed and ready to break and here comes Ashley in the middle of everything. She pulled me aside, hugged me, let me cry and then encourage me and told me what I needed to hear. She taught me that leadership isn't about always having it together, or knowing all of the answers. Leadership is about pushing through and overcoming, it's about problem solving and finding the answer, it's about relying on God and his word and teaching those under you to do the same. It's about being there for people and letting them know that you care and you love them and you're there to help them. She was with me through a important season in my life. A time of growth, pressure, overcoming, and change. She was always there and she helped me transform to a small timid girl. To a leader, to a woman of God that knows what God has called me to do and finding a way to do it. Without her I don't know if I would have learned all that I learned and become who I am. There is so much more I could say about Ashley and there's so much more she's taught me but a) I am in a very noisy McDonald's and I can't concentrate and b) I'm going to run out of time and space. When I look at Ashley I see a servant leader, I see strength, wisdom, and love. I just enjoy being with her....she's the best. So, thank you Ashley. Thank you for being an incredible part of my life.

Dawn Hicks Ladies and gentlemen.....the woman that birthed me and raised me. My mom! Can I just say that I don't know how eloquent this paragraph will be because my mom raised me and gave me everything I have and I don't know where to begin or where to end. First of all I am blessed to have and amazing mother. I really am. A lot of people don't have good moms or good relationships with their moms....I have both. I guess I'll start here....if I had to describe my mom in one word it would be strength. My mom is the strongest person I know. She has overcome so much in her life and she is strong...strong, strong strong. My mom has always been there for me my entire life. Everything that everyone else as done for me (see above) my mom has done for me for 20 years! My mom has always believed in me, loved me, encouraged me and all of my ventures, she's told me how great I am, and she's told me when I've been not so great. My mom has always told me what I needed to hear regardless of if I wanted to hear it or not. My mom was at every soccer game, every choir concert, band concert, she edited all of my writing, she judged debate tournaments, she always supported me. My mom also put up with me; when I was sassy, going through puberty, stressing myself out over a game, tournament, or paper (I become rather emotional when stressed), she put up with me when I was sick, angry, mean, sad, confused...all of it. She put up with all of it. Most importantly my mom taught me the important things in life...like to not give up, how to love, how to make meatloaf, that Christ always comes first no matter what. My mom taught me to follow God regardless of if it's hard or uncomfortable or if other people don't like it. She taught me that in word and example. She covered me in prayer my whole life. She believed in me. She's always been there when I'm confused and making adult decisions....she's there for me to cry and blubber and rant and she has advice....but most importantly she trusts me and has taught me how to listen to God and to make my own decisions. My mom has always shown me what faithfulness looks like...my mom is the most faithful person I know. I don't even know how to explain that. I have never known my mom to give up or walk away or to quit something. Even when it's hard she keeps going. My mom has also passed on her heart for people. She loves people and loves helping people and pouring into them and she has taught me how to do the same. My mom also encouraged my love of books and writing and learning. She taught me to value knowledge and seek it out. Most of my beliefs and morals and values I received from my mom. As I've grown up I've also learned that my mom is an incredible friend and she will always be there for me. I couldn't have asked for a better mom....because I have the best :) Thank you mom....thank you. I love you. 

     So here you go. Yes there are other women that are important to me like my sister, best friend, my Core Advisor, other mentors etc. But I wanted to share these 5 incredible women with you and hope that you can learn from them as well. I know I didn't do them justice or really scratch the surface of who they are and what they've done for me....but I don't know...I wrote this blog and here it is. I hope you received something from them.

~ Carrots



Anything

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" At 23 years old I still get asked that question. It is usually rephrased a little, "what are you doing with your life?" Until recently I couldn't answer that question. I wouldn't admit to not being able to answer it. I made up a lot of things, and there were really some things that I did want to do but no for myself. I wanted to do them because I had great asperations for advancing the kingdom of God. Don't get me wrong I am and will continue to advance the kingdom, but those plans were not for me. I wanted to be a nurse so I could go and help people in other countries. While nursing is great for some I do not do well with needles or blood and wouldn't make the best nurse. 

In the last few years I realized what I have really wanted to so since I was a child. Open a coffee shop. Well when I was a child it is more or less a shop of any kind I sold anything and everything as a child. I just couldn't accept if as my calling because I wanted to be on the front lines advancing the kingdom. Now looking back I feel foolish, of course I can do both. If I am honoring God with my skill set and desires of course he is going to use me to advance his kingdom. No I won't be in another country preaching to an unreached people group. That doesn't mean that I can't use my profit to help support them. I also have a great opportunity to help support and grow domestic ministries.

By finally accepting where God wants me and my skill set means I am exactly where God wants me even if it isn't in the 5 fold ministry.  I am not saying that there aren't people who aren't called to be pastors and missionaries. I just am not one of them. I think a lot of us who go to Bible school in one form or another fall into the trap of thinking that if we aren't going into the 5 fold ministry we aren't doing what God wants us to do. I personally think that in our current age we can reach a lot more people by working along side them in whatever area of work you feel called to, rather than knocking on doors and inviting strangers to church events. People are so much more likely to accept Christ if they see him in your life not just see him in a packet you drop off at their door. 

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4 ESV)