20 Minutes With Thurman

    A couple weeks ago I had the honor of meeting a man named Thurman, he and his wife came into the store where I work and while his wife shopped Thurman sat on a bench in an entry way. They walked in and his wife asked if there was a place that he could sit and then she went on to explain that he has alzheimers and he wouldn't be able to go up and down the stairs, and that it would be easier on him if he could sit somewhere and wait. We agreed and before she went downstairs she told us her name and his and to come get her if he got too anxious.
     He was fine for a while and then he started getting anxious and got up and went to look for his wife and my co-worker talked to him and got him to calm down and sit and he was fine. A few minutes same thing. After the third time he was getting very anxious so my co-worker went to tell his wife and I just decided to go sit with him. I've never been around someone going through that so I honestly didn't know if my presence would help or if it would make him more nervous. I grabbed a couple Missouri Conservationist off of our magazine rack and sat down next to him. He was really excited that I knew his name, and he introduced himself to me and I to him and then we looked through one of the magazines together. He told me about how much he loves fishing and how he's always wanted to go quail hunting.
     A few minutes into our conversation he literally blinked once, looked at me and went, "Hi, I'm Thurman...do I know you? Have we met?" I told him we had just met and we were new friends and told him my name, he relaxed and started looking at the magazine and he told me the same stories. This time he told me he was born in 1925, and he wasn't sure how old that made him but he was pretty sure he was 35. A few minutes went passed and soon we had to do introductions again. At this point I started to tear up because I couldn't even begin to imagine what this was like for him or his family. How awful this must be for everyone who loved him. It broke my heart to have to imagine having to go through this. Gently, Thurman reached over and took my hand.
      "Don't cry, I don't like seeing people cry, there's no sense in it. There's so much badness in the world but you can't let it steal your joy. I would never do anything to make anyone feel bad. I believe in working hard, believing in each other, love, and kindness. We must always be kind to those around us, always care for everyone. We can't hurt each other, we need each other too much."
      About that moment his wife walked by and waved at us on her way to the register. Thurman lit up, "Do you see her? She's mine...isn't she beautiful?" I nodded and told her of course she is. His eyes softened and he held my hand tighter, "she's the kindest woman I've ever known. I just couldn't stand being with a woman who was unkind or cantankerous, nope couldn't handle that. But her, she's so kind and gentle. She'd do anything for anybody, give you the clothes off her back, she's just like that. She's an incredible woman that one is."
     After that we just sat silent, hand in hand, waiting for his wife to come through the check out. She did and when she came out she thanked me for sitting with her husband, but really I was the one who should have been thanking her. As he got up to go he turned around to shake my hand, "It was nice meeting you young lady, maybe I'll see you again real soon." If I ever do see Thurman again he won't remember me, he won't know he ever sat with me on a bench inside of a store. I however, will never forget Thurman. Even in the midst of all he was going through he didn't forget the important things. He didn't forget who he was, and he didn't forget to pass on his wisdom. Thurman is right we have to believe in hard work, each other, love, and kindness because there is so much darkness in the world. We have to remember that we need each other and not to let the world steal our joy.

~ Carrots 

God Told Me To Go, Jesse Told Me To Write About It

     I'm writing this honestly because Jesse told me I should. We were sitting outside Starbuck, Carmel Brule latte in hand, gazing at the Christmas lights our town had already put up when I started telling her this story. Before I was done something along the lines of, "Why haven't you blogged about this, you need to blog about this now." Came out of her mouth. That was Monday....it's Thursday and I'm finally getting around to starting this post. At first I wanted to be selfish and keep it for me, I wanted my little story and experience to belong to me. God gave it to me. Then I started thinking about how ridiculous I was being, what if someone else needed to hear this? That's why God reveals things to us isn't it? So we can pour it into other people? Well, here's my little story and my little experience that made a big impact for me personally.
    
     Little bit of back story....I work a part time job at a local non-profit. As you can imagine this pays basically nothing and I literally have no idea how I manage to pay rent and buy groceries every month. I had been praying and felt God telling me to stay at my job a little while longer, this is frustrating. I also developed the overwhelming desire and need to start college in January, I prayed about it and felt like I should start applying but I can't afford even one class without financial aid so it felt like a big joke and fruitless endeavor. This is extremely frustrating. My life has basically been stress and penny pinching and become depressed and anxious about my future and worrying about every little thing. A couple weeks ago my sister came to stay with me for the weekend, after church on Sunday I met my parents half way and dropped her off.

     As I was starting the drive back to Missouri I realized that I would have 2 1/2 hours in the car alone so I started to pray, and sing, I turned on worship music, and I spent that time with God. When I got about 45 minutes away from home I had this overwhelming urge of, I need to go to church tonight. The thing is my church doesn't normally have Sunday night services and even if we did I wouldn't have made it back in time. Then God dropped a church I had driven past on my way out in my head. It was about 20 minutes up the road and I knew that I could make it as long as I didn't stop, I didn't even know the denomination of the church, I just knew that, that was where I needed to be that night. I pull into the parking lot at 5:59, the sign says church starts at 6:00....there are only 2 cars in the parking lot. Anyway so I go inside and the Pastor is there with a couple people from the church and low and behold on the last Sunday of the month they don't have an evening service they have an afternoon fellowship and afternoon service instead. Basically, I showed up for church and there was no church. So, I end up going into his office to speak with him. Throughout our conversation I mentioned that my dad is a Pastor.
      "Oh, where is you dad a Pastor?"
      "Kansas," I told him.
      Turns out he was from Kansas too. He had been born there, raised there, graduated high school, met his wife, and got married there. Naturally I asked him where in Kansas he was from expecting Topeka or Salina but no...he looked at me and said, "Arkansas City." I stopped....because that's where I'm from and once you leave Ark City you never run into anyone from Ark City ever again until you go back for a visit. It's just one of those towns that no one leaves...so I knew right then and there that was a total God thing, and God had my absolute undivided attention. When I told him I was from Ark City I saw the look on his face, he knew, he knew I was here for a very specific reason.

      The details of our conversation aren't too important and honestly I won't lie, this is getting to be a long post and I've probably lost most of you at this point and I'm too lazy to write the whole thing anyway. Basically, after that all I told him was that I was currently working and trying to go to school. I didn't tell him anything about my financial situation or how hard it is for me to go to school or anything.

     Out of the blue, and what seemed rather off topic, he told me that the story of how he met his wife is incredible. Of course I thought he would then tell me the story of how he met his wife. Instead he said, "Let me tell you what I learned from our story. I learned to trust God. To completely let go of my life and let him take control. I learned that when I let go he works it out. He brings us amazing and better things, he brings us to new places. We have to stop trying to figure out and make it work because that's not our job, it's his. God figures out. The desires of our hearts, the things we want, our plans, and the things that God has called and asked us to do that seem impossible...we can't stress over them. We can't crunch the numbers and lay awake at night and worry about it. We can't make the move on our own and try to make it fit together and work. If God called us to do it, if he placed the desire in our heart then he'll make it work. He'll come in and bring all together but not until we set it down and let him completely have it."

     Talk about hearing exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't say much I just nodded and smiled and soaked it all in. Then before I left he asked if he could pray for me and I said yes. We started praying and it was a pretty typical, thank you for bringing her here, type of prayer. Then in the middle of praying he pauses and starts again with, "Lord, just take this time to remind Kaitlin that you are her security. Financially, physically, spiritually, emotionally...you are her security. You're her provider and her protector and she doesn't need to worry because you care for her."

     Again....right what I needed to hear. Even as I type it, I need to hear it again. Man...I really don't know how to wrap up this blog only to say maybe you needed this too. Trust God, and yeah. I leave you with a promise to work on my conclusions.

~Carrots

    

Fighting For The Lost Causes

     This is a blog post I actually wrote almost two years ago during my undergrad year of my internship, I wrote this post for the intern website. I was thinking about this post a couple days ago and I went and found it so I thought I would share it here for you....so enjoy.

     Last night we had an intern Christmas party at our directors’ house. We ate a family dinner, which made me tear up because I’m very family oriented, played games, talked, and exchanged a few presents. Our amazing directors got each of us a word picture — pictures of various objects that look like letters that are put together to spell out names and words. Before we opened them our director told us that all of the presents were similar, but she had chosen the one that reminded her of us as individuals. We all got different words: Peace, Faith, Rest, Smile, and so on. I opened mine and I saw Hope. At first I thought, “That’s nice,” but there wasn’t any big “Wow. This is so me!” moment, until I read the quote underneath it.

 “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” – Dale Carnegie.

It’s no secret around the HAO that my God-given passion is to help sex trafficking victims and to put an end to trafficking. In fact, someday I hope to work in a safe house here in the United States. However given my age and current intern status, it’s hard to do much other than spreading the word and giving a few dollars here and there to organizations that are helping these victims. I know everyone has to start helping somewhere, but my heart is out on the field with those girls and boys. You may be saying, “Well you’re spreading the word and giving, so that’s good enough.” For some people that may be all they’re called to do, but I want to physically and actively be involved.

There are an estimated 1.2 million children who are sex trafficking victims in the world and most of them are either in the United States or on their way here. Every minute two children are being sold for sexual exploitation. I have been told time and again that, “It doesn’t happen here.” Or, “Well if it’s the U.S. it’s only in places like California or New York.” Did you know the number one pick-up spot in the United States of America of children for sex trafficking purposes is the Midwest? Specifically Missouri, Oklahoma, and Kansas. That’s right, the Bible Belt is the place where children are most likely to be bought and sold for trafficking. This is because you can take a child from the heartland and run in any direction, and it’ll be extremely hard for police to trace you.

The target age for victims is between 8 and 13 years old, but victims as young as newborns are taken, and most of them will be dead within seven years of being abducted. Pimps and traffickers don’t care about race, age, gender, or social class. This doesn’t just happen to people in other countries, and not just to kids who are in the “system”. People have been taken from their homes, schools, parks, stores, and even churches. Human trafficking is the second largest underground industry, after drugs. It is the fastest growing industry and generates $32 billion dollars in annual revenue. Yet it is the most ignored problem in the world.

We pretend that it doesn’t happen here; we sweep it under the rug because it’s ugly and messy and we don’t to get involved. We sacrifice people for the sake of a false security that it’s not happening. We close our eyes, our ears, and our hearts to the dying around us.

I was once told that sex trafficking would never be completely eliminated and there was no point in fighting it because it was just a lost cause. To quote the great American actor, Jimmy Stewart, in the great American movie, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,

“It’s very often that the lost causes are the only causes worth fighting for.”

Aren’t the “lost causes” the very ones we should be giving our lives for? Jesus seemed to think so. When he died on the cross to save humanity from hell, didn’t he give up his life for a bunch of lost causes? Christ died to save an entire world that mocks and rejects him time and time again. If I were Christ I probably would have said, “You know what? This is just a lost cause so I don’t think I’ll fight for them. I’m not going to save all of them so I won’t try at all.” Thankfully Christ didn’t do that to us. Christ looked at a bunch of lost causes and decided he loved so much that he was willing to give his life for us anyway.

Sometimes I imagine Jesus preparing to come down to earth and the angels saying, “Lord why go? You won’t save all of them. It’s a lost cause.” I can see Jesus just looking at them and saying, “Not all will be saved. But by going, all can be. Even so, some will receive me and be saved. They may be lost causes, but they’re my lost causes and I love them. They are worth fighting for.” I’m sure that’s not what actually happened, but even so Jesus Christ looked down at a lost cause and decided we were worth his life.

Hebrews 13:3 says, “Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body.” We often use this verse in reference to the persecuted church, which is correct, but sometimes I think we use it as an excuse to pray and not take action. Prayer is amazing and powerful, but we are called to follow up our prayer with action. We can’t just quote this verse every day and say that we pray for the persecuted church but ignore the fact that every single day our own children are being placed into bondage.

Isaiah 61:1 says, “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound.” We are called to set people free. We are called to make a difference. We have been called to action. It’s often said that, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” This is completely true. Human trafficking is a very real and prominent problem, and it’s not going to just magically go away. Until we stop shoving it under the rug, it’s only going to get worse. If it were you, or your daughter, son, sister, brother; wouldn’t you want someone to do something? Yes. Victims of trafficking are in such physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bondage that they can’t become free on their own. Someone has to break their chains and rescue them.

There are several ways to get involved. There are tons of organizations such as International Justice Mission, Courage To Be You, Love146, and Nightlight Int. that need your financial support, prayer. If you’re interested, they even offer special training and volunteer opportunities. I will never be able to save every single girl who has been forced into prostitution, but I will keep trying even when it seems like there’s no hope, because that is the only way I will ever accomplish anything for the Kingdom of God.

~ Carrots

The Day I Joined A Corrupt Government and Persecuted Christians

     Now I know what you're thinking...actually okay I don't. I can guess that it's somewhere along the lines of, "What the heck is she talking about? What kind of psycho is writing this blog?" Just do me a favor and hear me out...listen to what I have to say. Don't stop reading and walk away or you'll have a very misconstrued view of who I am and what I stand for. Also, please don't report me to anybody and get me arrested, it wasn't real. I didn't actually for real persecute Christians. It was a simulated role playing event. Please, just give me a chance. Have you every done role playing? Cosplay? Hey, there Whovians...I know you have. So, it was kind of like that but we were pretending to be real people in real situations. So, while it wasn't "real" for us, it's real for several people out there in the world.
     Last year I participated in World Awareness as part of the persecuted church an it was intense. I went to "prison" and the "refugee camp" and whatnot. We had breaks during the days where we would watch movies such as Defiance and A War To End All Wars and listen to speakers from various organizations such as Voice of The Martyrs. I learned so much last year participating. I learned about sacrifice and taking a stand for what I believe. God used that year to speak to me about how he calls us to handle persecution, I learned a lot. But this post isn't about last year. It's about this year.
     This year I was part of the corrupt government. Our story is that we were a new government that believed in equality for all religions and that there wasn't only one way to Heaven. So, if you were part of a radical religion that taught your way was the only true way (Christianity, Islam, etc.) then we were there to help you and reeducate you. Very passive aggressive. We also had back stories that we were given so when we were around undergrad interns (aka the persecuted church) we would have a character to speak with them to and a story to tell them. My back story was that I had two older brother, Mark and Bentley (yep, they got names!). My older brother Bentley joined the army and went over seas to fight for the "Peace and Safety" (our "government" motto) of our Country. While he was over seas he was killed and when they sent my brother's body back home to have his funeral "Christians" came and told me that my brother had deserved to die, that God wanted my brother dead, that God was happy that my brother had been killed. As a result of this protesting and hatred towards my family my other older brother, Mark, killed himself. As a result of this I blamed Christians for his death. (Let me take a break and a moment to clarify that this was my roleplaying persona and I am a Christian and I firmly believe that the people that do these things *coughwestborosough* are not an actual representation of Christ and his love nor of the rest of Christianity...and I have no brothers that were killed. Although I did pull from real life experiences I've had with Westboro due to living in Kansas and the death of someone I went to High School with. ) So, that was my back story and my "character" was bitter.
     The purpose of this LTE (Life Transforming Event) is to make interns more aware of the persecuted church and to get them to really think about their faith and how they would handle persecution. So, as part of the government is to make the experience real. We chase after the refugee camp and we arrest people and take them to the "reeducation" facility. There we just challenge them and ask them questions about their faith. Here interns have a chance to show us the love of Christ or rebel. It's interesting...a lot of things happened that weekend and I did a lot of things but I really just want to talk about one of those things.
     On the last night we had some refugees do a raid in an attempt to rescue prisoners. They came in with air soft guns and started shooting agents and yelling at people to go. The kid leading the raid just went crazy. At the time of the raid I was on the guys side of the "prison" (AKA shower house) and I was talking to one of the guys about his faith and this kid was nailing it. I was contemplating either letting this kid go or converting. He was amazing in showing me the love of Christ and standing firm in his faith. I told this kid my back story and he apologized and told me about his faith and how Jesus really wants him to act, etc. Then one of his buddies comes in and starts shooting people so in my roleplaying mind everything he has said as just become void because his Christian buddies are not living up to what he's been claiming. Then one guy puts a gun to one of my guys' chest. I remember the "agent" looking at him and saying, "according to your belief system if you shoot me I go to Hell. Are you willing to send me to Hell?" The kid shoots him point blank. (air soft gun reminder!) and so my buddy "died". Then this kid comes over and twists my wrist until I drop my gun. He then tries to hand the gun to the guy that I had been talking to. This was the test. To my amazement the kid in the cell refused to take the gun and told him not to touch me anymore. Then he came out of his cell to protect me from all of the other raiders. He never took a gun and he never tried to run. He amazed me. Later I asked him why if they believe in this loving God why they would come in here and send to of my friends to Hell. His answer, "I don't know and I'm sorry. What they did was wrong. I don't agree with them and I wish I could have stopped them. Just know that, that wasn't God's will. God loves you...please don't hold this against God and the rest of us."
     This year I learned that people are right and wrong. But one kid in a cell humbled me and showed me the greatest act of role playing human kindness I've ever seen. But, he was sincere and I believe that had the guns been real and I been truly against him he would have acted the exact same. That kid challenged me to love everyone I come in contact with, even my enemies. That kid called me to a higher level of love.

The Grocery Store

     There are moments in life that stick with you, that make an impression, moments that come back to your mind years later with a strong sense of emotion and nostalgia. Moments that come back and say hey this is important. Sometimes they feel like happened yesterday and the memory is real. Sometimes they're reminders of where we were and where we plan on never going again. And, sometimes, as in this case, they're something that someone had once said to you that you had completely forgotten about. Only to remember over a year later and realize how important those words were to you.
     I worked a grocery store for 8 months before I started my undergrad year (I'm a second year now) at Honor Academy of The Ozarks. I worked to save up money for HAO (because we can't have jobs during our first year, as second years we can have jobs if we could find anyone that would hire us) and we have to pay tuition and buy our own food. So, I was being smart and saving up. Good job Kaitlin! Anyway, so I got this job at the store as a cashier. For the most part I liked it. I got along with the people I worked with, it was pretty easy, but I mean I was a cashier so it's not like I was super in love with it. It was a great first job to have. Plus, I had to work with the general public. For the most part I liked it. You have your super happy people, the polite people, the people that just want to get through the line, people that don't speak English, people with WIC checks that pretend like they don't speak English, stoners, guys that hit on you, complete jerks, and then the regulars. Let me tell you, employees love the regulars. There are people that come to the store a lot and then there are the regulars. The regulars are people that know your name and you know theirs, they come to the store everyday sometimes a few times a day, you know what they're buying before they even get through the doors. They aren't always nice, we had one regular that as soon as he walked in it was almost a race to see who could get to a bathroom break first. Yet, at the same time it was nice to see him come in because despite whatever it was he belonged there as much as we did. They all did.
     We had one guy, a regular, and he always came in looking upset. He never smiled, never said hi, nothing. Occasionally he would talk to one of the floor managers and that was it. For whatever reason I decided that I was going to make him smile and say hi to me. I was going to make this man be happy. So, every time he would come into the store I would wave and shout, no matter who was in my line, hey there favorite customer it's great to see you! For the first little while he always looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn't stop doing it. Then one day he came through my line. Didn't smile, didn't say anything, he just came through my line. After that he came through my line every single time he came to the store and I was working. Well I chatted him up every time. Always called him my favorite customer, asked him about his day, told him that I was having a great day, and always ended by telling him that seeing him is what made my day. One day it was like a flip switched. He came through my line smiling and he talked to me a little bit. I was so happy, then as he was walking off he turned around came back to my register and said, "Thank you." That was it. Just thank you.
     After that things changed. He would come through my line laughing and talking, we would joke around. One time I had a ridiculously long line and he went to stand at a different register and I remember jokingly calling, "Where do you think you are going? Get over here and stand in my line. He did, he stood in my line for twenty minutes. I was amazed at the change I had seen in one customer just because I decided I was going to make him smile. It was incredible. I was so humbled at the fact that God allowed me to be used to reach this man in even the tiniest way. Then to humble me even more God used this man to speak to me.
     About three weeks before I was supposed to move out and start HAO I become utterly terrified and decided I wasn't going. It was to far from home, it was too hard, I didn't know anyone, and I was not going to go. I had turned in my two weeks notice and all of the regulars and employees knew I was leaving. I made my favorite customer promise to come in on my last day and say goodbye to me. About ten minutes before I my shift was over he came in and didn't even buy anything just stood in my line.
     He looked at me and said, "I'm going to miss you but I'm proud of you. You're going to go on and get an education and do great things. Don't give up. It's a good thing what you're getting ready to go do. Don't be scared. Fear has no place where you're going. I'll miss you, but I know this is best. Go on and make us all proud. I know you're going to make me proud."
     After he left our floor manager looked and me and said, "wow, he's never talked to anyone before. We're going to miss you around here."
     Since leaving I still think about him and all the other regulars and employees and I miss them. I miss all of them. Most of all I miss the quiet old man that never spoke. The customer that I worked on and worked on just to get him to smile. I miss him because in the end it wasn't me helping him, it was him telling me exactly what I needed to hear. Giving me the courage to move on and go where God called me to go. So, the moral of this story is smile at someone, it might change your life.

~Carrots