Gatsby Is Very Wrong, But We Already Knew That

      Have you ever missed the past so bad that it hurt? Maybe not the past but the way things used to be? A friendship that's changed or vanished completely, lack of responsibilities, maybe having someone you've lost, being naive, innocent, a simpler time, etc. Maybe something sparked it...a picture, a song, a show, a smell, it could be anything. And for unexplained reasons a sadness rose up inside of you and tears pricked your eyes. You suddenly found it hard to breathe. Hard to think. Hard to do anything. And with everything you have in that moment you wanted to go back. To repeat the past. You suddenly found yourself missing it with a longing so strong there's no word for it. Nothing at all. No way to express what you're feeling. No way to make it better. The strongest desire to repeat the past. Even though you can't.

      For me is was this picture that sparked that strong desire and pain inside of me. This is me and my cousin Caleb. He is exactly one year and three weeks younger than me. He had been my best friend for as long as I can remember. That's just how it worked. Any good or bad....okay any memory at all worth having he was a part of it. He knew everything there was to know about me. We did everything together. Now...now we're adults. We haven't been for very long mind you, but we live in closer proximity to each other than we ever have in our entire lives and yet we talk and see each other less. I am aware that this is partially my fault...heck I could be calling him instead of writing this blog. The point of this isn't to whine and complain, it's that we all know this feeling and everyone of you knows what I'm talking about. Exactly this feeling. Anyway, so couple this picture with the the song that was playing at the time (the video there on the side) and you can imagine the feeling in the pit of my stomach and the bawling that ensued. Basically I am a total Peter Pan follower and I hate growing up and I don't advise it to anyone and I am a complete nostalgia junkie and on stop of that....I absolutely hate change of any kind even if it's already happened before I realize it was change....and I do not handle it well. At all. So, yeah...anyway.

     Okay, I also love the book The Great Gatsby and I recently got to see the new version of the movie and it was fantastic! Anyway...there's this part where Nick says that you're not able to repeat the past and Gatsby looks at him and says, completely serious, "Why of course you can." Here's the thing. I want to believe that. We all do. We want to believe that we can repeat the past. That we can go back to a more innocent time. In fact I convinced myself for so long that all of this wasn't happening and soon I would wake up and be in High School again...living with my parents. Same best friend. Next door to my sister. Happy. Innocent. Care free. We all tell ourselves that this is attainable. Here's the sad truth that I've been relearning as I approach a new chapter in my life. Gatsby, is very very wrong...and we all know it. Even if we deny it. We can not and we will never be able to repeat the past. No going back. No changing things. No reliving. Nothing. It's a memory and we have to live with that. This is a harsh reality and believe me when I say it smacks me in the face every single day. I hate it sometimes...but it's a part of life. So yeah...that's where I am right now. What I'm thinking. What I'm feeling. Who knows...maybe I'll get up off the couch and call Caleb and talk or set something up, I don't know. But, what I do know. Is I am not a child anymore. I am an adult...and I can't go back. No more careless days. No more parents paying my bills. No more sister next door. No more same best friend. No more innocence. This is life and I have been thrown into the thick of it.

~ Carrots

Same same but different

Three weeks ago I went to get my belly button pierced. The place was very nice and with the coupon I had it was very reasonably priced. I went laid down on the bed she put a clamp on my belly. After a few moments she shoved a hollow needle through it and eventually changed the needle out for a ring. It didn't phase me at all. I had some problems later but that is a story for a different day. 

The next week I went to get some blood tests (not bad just routine for a new doctor). It was a nice place but very hospitally (again very normal for a hospital). The girls were nice. I waited my turn and sat down in the chair where they  were going to take the blood. I sat down and watched the girl across from me get like six tubes of blood taken. Thinking since it didn't phase her I should be fine. Man was I wrong. I held still and waited for her to put my needle in my arm. She found the vein with one stab (which is kid of miraculous in itself). She took two tubes of blood and was done. She started taking the needle out when it happened. The world started to go black and then I passed out. Not just out but like out for a full minute, waking up not knowing where I was or what was going on. Waking up I tried to play it cool and make a stupid comment about passing out. Then I promptly passed out again just as long as the time before. They then made me sit for quite a while and drink a sickly amount of orange juice. 

The point of telling the two stories is this. Sometimes two things that can seem so similar. A bigger needle shoved all the way through the skin and something put in and left in no big deal while a smaller needle joked just into the side of my arm causes complete shut down of whole body. 

Things in theory that are very similar but in reality very different. Same as the concept of underwear and swim suits. I find our culture and Christianity's view of love very much the same way. On the outside it looks very much the same but deep down our reaction to both are very different. 

Our culture tells us that love is fulfilling ourselves through the use of other people and when we are done we can throw them away. It is based on your feelings and emotions while those of the other person are not considered. We see it all the time broken marriages and relationships because one or the other doesn't feel it anymore. 

Christianity tells us love is fulfilling the other through our actions. Building them up. Doing this does not only build the other up it builds you together as a couple. 

What our culture says is love is really lust. Living off their emotions and pleasure. How often does our world say "if it's love you'll have sex" or "you will let the other degrade your core values". How can that be healthy and currently because of this mindset we have younger and younger people getting pregnant and doing things they are not ready for because they feel alone and they think that relationship will fill that void. Not from personal experience but based on the experiences of my friends and peers I can say a majority of the time it may fill that void for a short period of time but as soon as that relationship is over it leaves an emptiness even larger than the one they started with.

Again a Christian relationship that is being pursued for the right reasons is the opposite. Christianity tells us "what can I do to build this person up" or "how can we better peruse Christ through this relationship?" Growing together in The Lord not just as a couple. It is never just the two of you God is always there in the midst of your relationship. 

So all in all be warned about love. When talking to someone you may think something while they mean something completely different. 

1 Peter 4:8 
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (NIV)