Book Asks

I haven't written a blog in a bit...and while I have some swirling around in my head this is just for fun. Maybe you'll get some good recommendations out of it. Who knows.

1: What's the first book you can remember reading as a child? Little Critter and The Nutcracker...I made my parents read me the Nutcracker every night for months.

2: Do you have any playlists you listen to while reading? Not playlists...I tend to listen to piano guys or Ed Sheeran though for reading music. Most of the time I don't listen to any music, I just read.

3: Where's your favorite place to read? I actually prefer tables or desks...but I love reading in a huge chair wrapped in a warm fluffy blanket.

4: Have you ever recommended a book that ruined someone else's life? What was it? I got my dad to read The Hunger Games....he hasn't quite been the same since Mockingjay, haha.

5: Which book had the greatest impact on your life? This is a tie between 3 different books (other than the Bible). The first one would be Hope Was Here by Joan Buar I don't know how to explain it but even when I read that book now I feel excited and hopeful. I feel like that book taught me that a completely ordinary girls can go through hell and still be okay and still accomplish something great and follow her dreams. The second Anne of Green Gables for obvious reasons (hello I am Carrots), just the lessons that I learned. It gave me a great role model, taught me to use my imagination and strength, that I can do things on my own, and so much more. Beyond The Soiled Curtain if you don't know my passion is to fight Human Trafficking and this book just broke me. It made me more passionate and opened my eyes and understanding to what I could potentially be getting myself in to.

6: Which author would you be thrilled to go out for coffee with? oh my gravy so many... June Rae Wood, Joan Buar, Mildred D Taylor, JK Rowling, Rick Riordan...Kevin Brooks for sure!
7: What questions would you ask your favorite author given the chance? I think more than anything I want to hear their personal stories and what first inspired them to write. Hear stories about the real life people that inspired their characters.
8: Which character can you relate to most? I honestly don't know...I'll go with Delrita Jensen from Turtle On A Fence Post just because that's who popped into my head first.

9: Do you have a goodreads account? yes I do.

10: Do you read fanfiction? read it, write it....ya know

11: Do you watch any booktubers? no I do not.

12: What's the prettiest book cover you've seen? I'm in love with the cover of Impossible by Nancy Werlin

13: Have you ever met any authors in person? I haven't but when I was in middle school I wrote and received 3 or 4 letters to and from June Rae Wood.

14: If you had to switch lives with one book character, who would it be? Caitlin from Lucas just because I feel like even though she has a rough life she gets to spend time with such an incredible person and that would be cool. or Hermione....now that would be stinking awesome.

15: If you were to live in any universe from books you've read, which would it be? The Percy Jackson universe for sure.

16: What is the absolute worst book you've ever read? Journey to The Center of The Earth I just hated it so much

17: Preferred reading format-- ebooks, physical books, or both? Physical but that's mainly because my eyes are bad and it hurts them to read e-books

18: When is the best time to read a book (in your opinion)? I don't have a specific time I would recommend reading....just whenever when you're in the mood for it.

19: Which books are at the top of your tbr list for 2015? Harry Potter, yeah I know...I haven't actually read them yet. Barbed Wire Butterflies, Two Kissed For Maddy, God In A Brothel, Living Like Lions, Full Circle, The Crooked Mirror, and that's just the beginning of the list.

20: Which movie adaptations of a book were actually amazing and which made you cringe? The Hunger Games did well, and even though it was nothing like the book I actually really liked the movie version of The Giver. I absolutely hated the movie adaption of Percy Jackson but I'm kind of in love with Jake Abel so what can a girl do? My Sister's Keeper was horrible too! Seriously...ya'll killed the wrong kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21: What are your top 3 books of 2014? I don't actually think that any of them came out in 2014 but they are my top 3 books that I read in 2014 for the first time! Imposter by Susanne Winnacker, Sometimes God Has a Kid's Face by Bruce Ritter, and A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers

Hope you enjoyed it and maybe found some books to read :)

~ Carrots

Thankful

     Thanksgiving is two days away and provided Hayes doesn't show up at my house and tell me I have to stay another 6 months (a little Boys of Abu Ghraib humor for ya) I'll be headed home Wednesday after I get off work. So, as a blogger it is my moral obligation to write the cliché blog about what I'm thankful for....but I'm very seriously thankful for all of these things. So, I have split my thankful list into two lists of 15....you'll understand why here in a second.

Things I'm Thankful For List One
1. Gilmore Girls....simple as that.

2. That God created fine specimens such as Jake Abel, Jared Padalecki, Chris Evans, and Scott Patterson.

3. That above specimens wear lots and lots of plaid.

4. Ed's Sheeran's voice....especially when he sings this song.

5. Brendon Urie's voice. Seriously....it's beautiful.

6. THIS! This, this, this. God Bless you Luke. This one too, "It's your butt, Luke!"

7. Cowboy boots, cowboy hats, plaid, and wranglers.

8. Bench Seat Pickup Trucks.

9. BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS!

10. Gilbert Blythe, Luke Castellan, Sam Winchester, and Luke Danes....there are all of my favorite fictional men.

11. Tumblr...the amazing, crazy, and scary world that is Tumblr.

12. Anne of Green Gables, what would be life be like without it?

13. Chinese Food and Pancakes.

14. Adventure...without adventure life wouldn't be worth living and I am so thankful for it.

15. Music...without music my life would be so empty.

Things I'm Thankful For List Two
1. I'm incredibly amazed by and thankful for my Salvation. For Jesus, that God loves me at all. That's pretty great and something to be thankful for.

2. My Parents for loving me, teaching me, supporting me, trusting me, and for being the best parents known to mankind.

3. My little sister, she's taught me so much and let me tell you she keeps me grounded and never lets me get full of myself. She's so smart and talented and honest. I'm honored that I not only get to be her sister but her friend as well.

4. My church family and the fact that I am able to serve on the Praise Team and in the Youth Group.

5. My best friend Kate. Thank you for being the Crowhead to my Carrots and for always being there when I need you, even if you are in a different Country...I can't imagine life without you. Thank you for knowing my deepest darkest secrets and loving me anyway.

6. My other best friend Brooke. The Dean to my Sam. Shawn to my Cory. Thank you for understanding me, putting up with me, for letting me cry. For taking care of me when I'm sick and letting me be grumpy Luke in the mornings. Adventures, sarcasm, and butt kicking are all much appreciated and needed in my life.

7. Honor Academy of the Ozarks and my experience there. For the people it brought into my life especially my CA Blanca and my Core from my second year, Jesse Jo. Without the HAO and all I learned there I would be an awful person. Without these two lovely ladies I would be lost. They both taught me so much and bring so much joy to my life. Thankful to Blanca for staying up late with me and guiding me and giving advice. I'm thankful to Jesse for teaching me how to love with the God kind of love and for being sassy and making everyday interesting.

8. All of my amazing and incredible mentors/friends that I have in my life. Melissa and Ashley, I can't even begin to explain what you mean to me and how thankful I am that God placed you in my life.

9. For food on my table, a roof over my head, and shoes on my feet. Cliché but very true and I never want to take these things for granted.

10. For my Swaggin' Wagon that gets me to work everyday (well most days).

11. Nightlight and that I get to work with them on weekends. The work they do is phenomenal and I'm thankful that I get the opportunity to get involved with something that I am passionate about and truly feel called to.

12. For friends that make life interesting and fantastic....even If you don't get an individual shoutout I still love you.

13. I am thankful for my passions and talents and skills. That I am capable of doing what I love and what I feel called to. That I have the ability to write and sing and work with teenagers and Nightlight. That I can do what I enjoy.

14. My health and that even after all that time spent in the hospital this past summer I am perfectly healthy.

15. God's direction, guidance, and never ending grace.

~Carrots

God Told Me To Go, Jesse Told Me To Write About It

     I'm writing this honestly because Jesse told me I should. We were sitting outside Starbuck, Carmel Brule latte in hand, gazing at the Christmas lights our town had already put up when I started telling her this story. Before I was done something along the lines of, "Why haven't you blogged about this, you need to blog about this now." Came out of her mouth. That was Monday....it's Thursday and I'm finally getting around to starting this post. At first I wanted to be selfish and keep it for me, I wanted my little story and experience to belong to me. God gave it to me. Then I started thinking about how ridiculous I was being, what if someone else needed to hear this? That's why God reveals things to us isn't it? So we can pour it into other people? Well, here's my little story and my little experience that made a big impact for me personally.
    
     Little bit of back story....I work a part time job at a local non-profit. As you can imagine this pays basically nothing and I literally have no idea how I manage to pay rent and buy groceries every month. I had been praying and felt God telling me to stay at my job a little while longer, this is frustrating. I also developed the overwhelming desire and need to start college in January, I prayed about it and felt like I should start applying but I can't afford even one class without financial aid so it felt like a big joke and fruitless endeavor. This is extremely frustrating. My life has basically been stress and penny pinching and become depressed and anxious about my future and worrying about every little thing. A couple weeks ago my sister came to stay with me for the weekend, after church on Sunday I met my parents half way and dropped her off.

     As I was starting the drive back to Missouri I realized that I would have 2 1/2 hours in the car alone so I started to pray, and sing, I turned on worship music, and I spent that time with God. When I got about 45 minutes away from home I had this overwhelming urge of, I need to go to church tonight. The thing is my church doesn't normally have Sunday night services and even if we did I wouldn't have made it back in time. Then God dropped a church I had driven past on my way out in my head. It was about 20 minutes up the road and I knew that I could make it as long as I didn't stop, I didn't even know the denomination of the church, I just knew that, that was where I needed to be that night. I pull into the parking lot at 5:59, the sign says church starts at 6:00....there are only 2 cars in the parking lot. Anyway so I go inside and the Pastor is there with a couple people from the church and low and behold on the last Sunday of the month they don't have an evening service they have an afternoon fellowship and afternoon service instead. Basically, I showed up for church and there was no church. So, I end up going into his office to speak with him. Throughout our conversation I mentioned that my dad is a Pastor.
      "Oh, where is you dad a Pastor?"
      "Kansas," I told him.
      Turns out he was from Kansas too. He had been born there, raised there, graduated high school, met his wife, and got married there. Naturally I asked him where in Kansas he was from expecting Topeka or Salina but no...he looked at me and said, "Arkansas City." I stopped....because that's where I'm from and once you leave Ark City you never run into anyone from Ark City ever again until you go back for a visit. It's just one of those towns that no one leaves...so I knew right then and there that was a total God thing, and God had my absolute undivided attention. When I told him I was from Ark City I saw the look on his face, he knew, he knew I was here for a very specific reason.

      The details of our conversation aren't too important and honestly I won't lie, this is getting to be a long post and I've probably lost most of you at this point and I'm too lazy to write the whole thing anyway. Basically, after that all I told him was that I was currently working and trying to go to school. I didn't tell him anything about my financial situation or how hard it is for me to go to school or anything.

     Out of the blue, and what seemed rather off topic, he told me that the story of how he met his wife is incredible. Of course I thought he would then tell me the story of how he met his wife. Instead he said, "Let me tell you what I learned from our story. I learned to trust God. To completely let go of my life and let him take control. I learned that when I let go he works it out. He brings us amazing and better things, he brings us to new places. We have to stop trying to figure out and make it work because that's not our job, it's his. God figures out. The desires of our hearts, the things we want, our plans, and the things that God has called and asked us to do that seem impossible...we can't stress over them. We can't crunch the numbers and lay awake at night and worry about it. We can't make the move on our own and try to make it fit together and work. If God called us to do it, if he placed the desire in our heart then he'll make it work. He'll come in and bring all together but not until we set it down and let him completely have it."

     Talk about hearing exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't say much I just nodded and smiled and soaked it all in. Then before I left he asked if he could pray for me and I said yes. We started praying and it was a pretty typical, thank you for bringing her here, type of prayer. Then in the middle of praying he pauses and starts again with, "Lord, just take this time to remind Kaitlin that you are her security. Financially, physically, spiritually, emotionally...you are her security. You're her provider and her protector and she doesn't need to worry because you care for her."

     Again....right what I needed to hear. Even as I type it, I need to hear it again. Man...I really don't know how to wrap up this blog only to say maybe you needed this too. Trust God, and yeah. I leave you with a promise to work on my conclusions.

~Carrots

    

5 Women That Impacted My Life In Unimaginable Ways

     This morning while taking a shower I did some thinking, because we all know that the best thinking happens in the shower it's a scientific fact. I was thinking about the women in my life that have helped to shape the woman I am now. Because no matter how I try to ignore the fact, I am no longer a little girl with daydreams, I am now a woman with goals. As unsure of myself and my future, financially unstable, and anxious I may be....I also have plans, goals, dreams, a passionate heart, a surety that everything will work out, faith in myself and God to get me to where I need to be, two feet to stand on, and what I like to think is a good head on my shoulders. I was thinking about people in my life, more specifically the women in my life, that have changed me, shaped me, and guided me through out my life. I decided to write about them, this is sort of a thank you blog. To them, to the amazing women of my life. When I look over my life these five women stand out in my mind. They're incredible role models and all share one thing...they helped me discover something, taught me something, or gave me something. I want to share them and what they taught me with you.

     Liz Hansen In the summer of 2007, at 13 years old, I went on a missions trip to Costa Rice with Global Expeditions. As a missionary I was put in a small group of 3 with other girls from my trip and we roomed together, ate together, and ministered together. We were also given a missionary advisor, an older woman, to kind of be out big sister/mom/aunt/leader for the trip. My MA was an intern from the Honor Academy named Liz Hansen. Of all 5 of these women, I spent the smallest amount of time with Liz. I spent two weeks with her, and only two weeks. Two weeks is not that large of an amount of time, but it was enough. Liz helped me begin to realize my worth and value and my identity. We had a rule in our group that if we said something negative about ourselves we had to say 3 real, deep, and important positive things about ourselves. It may seem silly but when you're a 13 year old girl wearing cargo shorts with a ridiculous haircut hearing yourself say those things and having someone older, that you look up to affirm those positive things means a lot and hey I still remember it 7 years later. I had a lot of late night talks with Liz about myself and my thoughts and what I thought about myself. She shared her testimony with me. I was insecure and thought I didn't matter. Liz spoke truth over my life and she made me speak truth over myself. She showed me that I was the amazing, precious, and powerful daughter of Christ. Liz was the first person that I was related to and that I thought was cool to look at me and tell me that I was beautiful and that I mattered. Liz has had a lasting impact on my life ever since then in other ways too. Liz was an intern at The Honor Academy in Texas and I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to do the internship and go on a missions trip and be a MA for someone and I wanted to be someone's Liz. As I grew up the reasoning behind wanting to do the internship shifted a little bit but I never would have done it had it not been for Liz. I joined The Honor Academy of The Ozarks, August 2012. I did two years at the internship. My second year I become a Core Advisor (year round MA for younger interns) and I went on a missions trip and I was an MA and I got to be somebody's Liz. Then there's the fact that the internship completely changed my life and the course of my life and helped figure out what I wanted to do with my life...and it all started with Liz. So, thank you Liz.  (That's Liz in the black shirt, and my group.)

Kim Bowmaster Science and Math have always been my two least favorite subjects. Mrs.Bow was my 8th grade science teacher and her impact was not causing my to love science. She did try though. Really the impact from Mrs.Bow came from the afternoons I spent in her class room hanging out after school was over, writing "poodles are evil," over and over again on her white board. I don't know why I was in her room those afternoons...I wasn't in trouble, I wasn't getting tutoring or anything...I was just there hanging out. Mrs.Bow was a great teacher...she made learning science fun, even for me. Through out the year between spending time in her class and spending time in her classroom after class I spent a lot of time with her. I spent a lot of time talking and reading and doing whatever it is 8th graders do after school. We talked about the fact that I hated science class and would rather be in English...and I was always amazed that while she did try to make science fun for me she mainly encouraged me in my love for English, writing, and literature. We talked about my plans for the future and what I wanted to do with my life. She was with me while my mind went from being a teacher, to photographer, to journalist, to war correspondent, to author, to where I've finally landed in my future goals as working with victims of Human Trafficking. She encouraged me in each of these dreams and endeavors. She always made sure and told me how proud she was of me even if the pursuit and passion was not the subject that she herself taught and loved....because she didn't just teach science because she loved science....she taught students because she loved students. Mrs.Bow always encouraged me to do what I loved even if it wasn't what other people wanted me to do...or even what they loved doing. She always told me how smart, creative, and passionate I was. She believed in me. She let me know that I could do whatever I wanted to do as long as I worked hard and never gave up. She helped me believe in myself. Realize that I didn't have to be talented, or passionate, or love what everyone else loved or was talented at as long as I realized what I wanted, what I could do, and as long as I helped other people. She always told me that helping and loving other people was more important than whatever I could accomplish, and she showed me that through her actions and her teaching. I am talented, and creative, and passionate, but if I don't  use that to help other people along the way then I'm not really accomplishing anything. I still keep in touch with Mrs.Bow through snail mail and e-mails...and she is still the same amazing woman. She still encourages me, tell me she's proud of me, and loves me. Thank you Mrs.Bow for loving me, believing in me, and encouraging me through out my journey.

Andrea Berthot Mrs. Berthot has been my debate coach, forensics coach, creative writing teacher, advanced creative writing teacher, English 3 teacher, a walking book recommendation, a writing mentor, and a huge encouragement throughout my high school life. Mrs. Berthot helped me in several ways. She helped me discover my passion for public speaking, and helped me explore and further my passions for writing and literature. She gave me writing advice and encouragement (and FYI she'll soon be a published author so that's awesome!) She told me to keep working because my stuff is worth being published. Mrs. Berthot gave me something else as well...she did something very similar to what Liz and Mrs.Bow did....just in a different way and at a different time in my life. She helped me believe in myself. She told me I was beautiful, that I was talented, that I had a story worth telling, and every time I heard her tell me that I was a good at speaking or that she loved reading what I wrote and I shouldn't stop I began to think that I really could do all that I wanted to do and that I wanted just do it, but I would be good at it and I would reach people. She taught me that I was powerful, and that I didn't need to earn acceptance or love because I was worth it. To me she is a living example of power and owning your awesomeness and not being afraid to be who you truly are or to do what you what you love and not let other people hold you back and to not doubt yourself. She helped me grasp the concept and the action of believing in myself and believing all the truths about myself. I spent a lot of time in Mrs. Berthot's room and not just because she taught 5 of my classes. I often spent my science hour in there (but I had a note!), lunches, mornings before school, and sometimes a few minutes after school. I am currently working on a book that I started in her class, and yes it's a long process, but I'm working on it and a love it....and it's because of her. I'm writing because of her. I now speak in public, often, because of her...and I have I recognize my potential, my power, and my worth a little more than when I entered her classroom for the very first time, because of her. Mrs.Berthot used her position and her own story to help me get through high school, pursue my passions, and move forward in life....but she didn't help just me. She helped every single girl that walked through her door that took time to listen to what she was really telling us between readings of The Crucible, and writing critiques, and filing information into tub after tub. Between the essays, books, research, and grammar she told us all that we were loved, we were beautiful, we were powerful, we mattered, and that we could change the world. I for one listened....and I for one was changed, and I know I'm not the only one. Thank you Mrs. Berthot....thank you so much.  

Ashley Wolf August 2012 I moved out of my parents house and started Honor Academy of The Ozarks....when I walked through the door there was a very very pregnant woman waiting for me. Her name is Ashley and at the time her title was Intern Manager (now she's the Director of Operations). Ashley is more than just my intern manager (especially since I'm not an intern anymore) she's now become my leader, mentor, "big sister", confidant, encourager, and friend. Ashley can look at me and know what's wrong, why it's wrong, and exactly what to say. Ashley has been with me through so much in the past two years. Numerous break downs, my failures, she has sat with me in the hospital while I was high on pain killers, singing Disney songs and talking to imaginary people, she's been with me while I went from being spiritually immature to a somewhat slightly more mature leader. She has seen me at my very best and my very worst. I don't know how to write in a paragraph how much Ashley means to me and all that she's taught me. Ashley showed me what it means to truly be a Godly leader. She taught me important things like serving, working hard, how to correctly correct people, he important of communication, how to approach people, that it's okay to ask for help, to always rely on God, and so so much more. Basically, Ashley is the epitome of what I the kind of person and leader that I want to be. I will never forget about a month into my 2nd year at the internship and my brand new leadership role and I was so overwhelmed and ready to break and here comes Ashley in the middle of everything. She pulled me aside, hugged me, let me cry and then encourage me and told me what I needed to hear. She taught me that leadership isn't about always having it together, or knowing all of the answers. Leadership is about pushing through and overcoming, it's about problem solving and finding the answer, it's about relying on God and his word and teaching those under you to do the same. It's about being there for people and letting them know that you care and you love them and you're there to help them. She was with me through a important season in my life. A time of growth, pressure, overcoming, and change. She was always there and she helped me transform to a small timid girl. To a leader, to a woman of God that knows what God has called me to do and finding a way to do it. Without her I don't know if I would have learned all that I learned and become who I am. There is so much more I could say about Ashley and there's so much more she's taught me but a) I am in a very noisy McDonald's and I can't concentrate and b) I'm going to run out of time and space. When I look at Ashley I see a servant leader, I see strength, wisdom, and love. I just enjoy being with her....she's the best. So, thank you Ashley. Thank you for being an incredible part of my life.

Dawn Hicks Ladies and gentlemen.....the woman that birthed me and raised me. My mom! Can I just say that I don't know how eloquent this paragraph will be because my mom raised me and gave me everything I have and I don't know where to begin or where to end. First of all I am blessed to have and amazing mother. I really am. A lot of people don't have good moms or good relationships with their moms....I have both. I guess I'll start here....if I had to describe my mom in one word it would be strength. My mom is the strongest person I know. She has overcome so much in her life and she is strong...strong, strong strong. My mom has always been there for me my entire life. Everything that everyone else as done for me (see above) my mom has done for me for 20 years! My mom has always believed in me, loved me, encouraged me and all of my ventures, she's told me how great I am, and she's told me when I've been not so great. My mom has always told me what I needed to hear regardless of if I wanted to hear it or not. My mom was at every soccer game, every choir concert, band concert, she edited all of my writing, she judged debate tournaments, she always supported me. My mom also put up with me; when I was sassy, going through puberty, stressing myself out over a game, tournament, or paper (I become rather emotional when stressed), she put up with me when I was sick, angry, mean, sad, confused...all of it. She put up with all of it. Most importantly my mom taught me the important things in life...like to not give up, how to love, how to make meatloaf, that Christ always comes first no matter what. My mom taught me to follow God regardless of if it's hard or uncomfortable or if other people don't like it. She taught me that in word and example. She covered me in prayer my whole life. She believed in me. She's always been there when I'm confused and making adult decisions....she's there for me to cry and blubber and rant and she has advice....but most importantly she trusts me and has taught me how to listen to God and to make my own decisions. My mom has always shown me what faithfulness looks like...my mom is the most faithful person I know. I don't even know how to explain that. I have never known my mom to give up or walk away or to quit something. Even when it's hard she keeps going. My mom has also passed on her heart for people. She loves people and loves helping people and pouring into them and she has taught me how to do the same. My mom also encouraged my love of books and writing and learning. She taught me to value knowledge and seek it out. Most of my beliefs and morals and values I received from my mom. As I've grown up I've also learned that my mom is an incredible friend and she will always be there for me. I couldn't have asked for a better mom....because I have the best :) Thank you mom....thank you. I love you. 

     So here you go. Yes there are other women that are important to me like my sister, best friend, my Core Advisor, other mentors etc. But I wanted to share these 5 incredible women with you and hope that you can learn from them as well. I know I didn't do them justice or really scratch the surface of who they are and what they've done for me....but I don't know...I wrote this blog and here it is. I hope you received something from them.

~ Carrots



Fighting For The Lost Causes

     This is a blog post I actually wrote almost two years ago during my undergrad year of my internship, I wrote this post for the intern website. I was thinking about this post a couple days ago and I went and found it so I thought I would share it here for you....so enjoy.

     Last night we had an intern Christmas party at our directors’ house. We ate a family dinner, which made me tear up because I’m very family oriented, played games, talked, and exchanged a few presents. Our amazing directors got each of us a word picture — pictures of various objects that look like letters that are put together to spell out names and words. Before we opened them our director told us that all of the presents were similar, but she had chosen the one that reminded her of us as individuals. We all got different words: Peace, Faith, Rest, Smile, and so on. I opened mine and I saw Hope. At first I thought, “That’s nice,” but there wasn’t any big “Wow. This is so me!” moment, until I read the quote underneath it.

 “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” – Dale Carnegie.

It’s no secret around the HAO that my God-given passion is to help sex trafficking victims and to put an end to trafficking. In fact, someday I hope to work in a safe house here in the United States. However given my age and current intern status, it’s hard to do much other than spreading the word and giving a few dollars here and there to organizations that are helping these victims. I know everyone has to start helping somewhere, but my heart is out on the field with those girls and boys. You may be saying, “Well you’re spreading the word and giving, so that’s good enough.” For some people that may be all they’re called to do, but I want to physically and actively be involved.

There are an estimated 1.2 million children who are sex trafficking victims in the world and most of them are either in the United States or on their way here. Every minute two children are being sold for sexual exploitation. I have been told time and again that, “It doesn’t happen here.” Or, “Well if it’s the U.S. it’s only in places like California or New York.” Did you know the number one pick-up spot in the United States of America of children for sex trafficking purposes is the Midwest? Specifically Missouri, Oklahoma, and Kansas. That’s right, the Bible Belt is the place where children are most likely to be bought and sold for trafficking. This is because you can take a child from the heartland and run in any direction, and it’ll be extremely hard for police to trace you.

The target age for victims is between 8 and 13 years old, but victims as young as newborns are taken, and most of them will be dead within seven years of being abducted. Pimps and traffickers don’t care about race, age, gender, or social class. This doesn’t just happen to people in other countries, and not just to kids who are in the “system”. People have been taken from their homes, schools, parks, stores, and even churches. Human trafficking is the second largest underground industry, after drugs. It is the fastest growing industry and generates $32 billion dollars in annual revenue. Yet it is the most ignored problem in the world.

We pretend that it doesn’t happen here; we sweep it under the rug because it’s ugly and messy and we don’t to get involved. We sacrifice people for the sake of a false security that it’s not happening. We close our eyes, our ears, and our hearts to the dying around us.

I was once told that sex trafficking would never be completely eliminated and there was no point in fighting it because it was just a lost cause. To quote the great American actor, Jimmy Stewart, in the great American movie, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,

“It’s very often that the lost causes are the only causes worth fighting for.”

Aren’t the “lost causes” the very ones we should be giving our lives for? Jesus seemed to think so. When he died on the cross to save humanity from hell, didn’t he give up his life for a bunch of lost causes? Christ died to save an entire world that mocks and rejects him time and time again. If I were Christ I probably would have said, “You know what? This is just a lost cause so I don’t think I’ll fight for them. I’m not going to save all of them so I won’t try at all.” Thankfully Christ didn’t do that to us. Christ looked at a bunch of lost causes and decided he loved so much that he was willing to give his life for us anyway.

Sometimes I imagine Jesus preparing to come down to earth and the angels saying, “Lord why go? You won’t save all of them. It’s a lost cause.” I can see Jesus just looking at them and saying, “Not all will be saved. But by going, all can be. Even so, some will receive me and be saved. They may be lost causes, but they’re my lost causes and I love them. They are worth fighting for.” I’m sure that’s not what actually happened, but even so Jesus Christ looked down at a lost cause and decided we were worth his life.

Hebrews 13:3 says, “Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body.” We often use this verse in reference to the persecuted church, which is correct, but sometimes I think we use it as an excuse to pray and not take action. Prayer is amazing and powerful, but we are called to follow up our prayer with action. We can’t just quote this verse every day and say that we pray for the persecuted church but ignore the fact that every single day our own children are being placed into bondage.

Isaiah 61:1 says, “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound.” We are called to set people free. We are called to make a difference. We have been called to action. It’s often said that, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” This is completely true. Human trafficking is a very real and prominent problem, and it’s not going to just magically go away. Until we stop shoving it under the rug, it’s only going to get worse. If it were you, or your daughter, son, sister, brother; wouldn’t you want someone to do something? Yes. Victims of trafficking are in such physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bondage that they can’t become free on their own. Someone has to break their chains and rescue them.

There are several ways to get involved. There are tons of organizations such as International Justice Mission, Courage To Be You, Love146, and Nightlight Int. that need your financial support, prayer. If you’re interested, they even offer special training and volunteer opportunities. I will never be able to save every single girl who has been forced into prostitution, but I will keep trying even when it seems like there’s no hope, because that is the only way I will ever accomplish anything for the Kingdom of God.

~ Carrots

Anything

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" At 23 years old I still get asked that question. It is usually rephrased a little, "what are you doing with your life?" Until recently I couldn't answer that question. I wouldn't admit to not being able to answer it. I made up a lot of things, and there were really some things that I did want to do but no for myself. I wanted to do them because I had great asperations for advancing the kingdom of God. Don't get me wrong I am and will continue to advance the kingdom, but those plans were not for me. I wanted to be a nurse so I could go and help people in other countries. While nursing is great for some I do not do well with needles or blood and wouldn't make the best nurse. 

In the last few years I realized what I have really wanted to so since I was a child. Open a coffee shop. Well when I was a child it is more or less a shop of any kind I sold anything and everything as a child. I just couldn't accept if as my calling because I wanted to be on the front lines advancing the kingdom. Now looking back I feel foolish, of course I can do both. If I am honoring God with my skill set and desires of course he is going to use me to advance his kingdom. No I won't be in another country preaching to an unreached people group. That doesn't mean that I can't use my profit to help support them. I also have a great opportunity to help support and grow domestic ministries.

By finally accepting where God wants me and my skill set means I am exactly where God wants me even if it isn't in the 5 fold ministry.  I am not saying that there aren't people who aren't called to be pastors and missionaries. I just am not one of them. I think a lot of us who go to Bible school in one form or another fall into the trap of thinking that if we aren't going into the 5 fold ministry we aren't doing what God wants us to do. I personally think that in our current age we can reach a lot more people by working along side them in whatever area of work you feel called to, rather than knocking on doors and inviting strangers to church events. People are so much more likely to accept Christ if they see him in your life not just see him in a packet you drop off at their door. 

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4 ESV)

Dear Little Girl; Be Restored

Dear Little Girl with dirt on your faces and bruises on your arms

You are strong.

Don't let them tell you otherwise.

Don't let them steal your life

I know sometimes it's hard

Life is hard

This world is cruel

The nights grow longer

The dark gets colder

You're wondering if this will ever end

Hands grab you

Feet kick you

Words are hurled 

You're used

Broken

Abused

Worthless

Dirty

Incomplete

Disgusting

These things are flung in your face

They stick to you like glue

Identifying you

Labeling you

You start to wonder

Do they speak the truth?

Someone once told you they loved you

You don't remember who

Or when

What does love even feel like?

Does it really exist?

Love is just a term used to get ahead

To manipulate emotions

To bend people to your will

Love is a lie

Dear little girl  

I am here to speak truth

Won't you let me in?

Little girl put down your fists and look at me

Listen to me

I'm not here to hurt you

Love is not a lie

It does exist

I am sorry it's been so long since you've felt it

Sorry that I didn't come sooner to show it

I couldn't protect you

Couldn't shield you

Didn't even warn you

But, I'm here now

That has to count for something

You are bright

Beautiful

Valuable

Full of life

Radiant

Hands that hurt you

Abuse you

Used you

Don't let them define you

Wash off the mud

Wash off the grime

The words that were stuck to you, no longer define

They are not who you are

Nor who you will become

They were merely weapons

Meant to break

A pretty little girl that shines

You are stronger than that

Taller than that

Better than that

Smarter than that

I know it hurts

I know it's hard

It's time to walk away from the past

Follow a new path

Forgive and forget

Start again

New life

They only told you lies

They only hurt you

But I am here to help you heal

Speak truth

Bring you life

You are brave and Beautiful

My dear little one you are fierce

You have much to offer

An amazing story to share

A tale of recovery and redemption

Of hope renewed

Refreshed

You will change the world

Impact

Make a difference

Save a life

Arise from dust and ashes

Walk anew in wondrous life

You are loved 

Precious one

You my dear are light

So sing your song

Dance you dance

Say what you have to say

You are healed, restored, given strength for each new day

Change the world with your story, my love

Dear little girl, be brave

~Carrots

Here's The Goodbye Letter I Wrote To My Supporters (By The Way I Graduated The Internship, Yay Me!)

Dear Friends and Family,

  This is my last update letter for my time at Honor Academy of The Ozarks. I decided to take advantage of the free use of the printer as an intern one last time and mail out these letters. As of August 10, 2014 I will not longer be an intern. I will have completed two years at HAO, and I am not staying a 3rd. It has been a crazy and amazing journey these past couple of years. I have done things I didn’t think I would ever do like climb a mountain, fast for 3 days, and finished CA Roads (I don’t really have the room in this to explain that, but it’s super intense and crazy and I learned more from this singular event than I did the other LTE’s. If you want to know more you can e-mail me and ask questions.) I have gained an amazing family here at the internship and Living Word Church and I have learned and grown so much. 

      My first year I learned and grew a lot and developed myself in Christ. As a second year I became the girl’s Core Advisor, the mentor/accountability/direct leadership for the undergrad girls. As most of you know leadership is very challenging. However, I loved it and I love my core. I am blessed to have a good relationship with Jesse, she is seriously like my little sister. Anyway, so the big things I learned my second year were how to be a leader. I learned what it takes to be a leader, how to properly lead someone, and how even when I feel like my whole world is falling apart I have to set that all aside and help them with whatever they’re going through and that requires a ton of leaning on and trusting in God. I also learned how to really love with the unconditional love of Christ for the first time. I mean yes I have my little sister and my parents but I can honestly say that outside of them I have never loved someone unconditionally (now maybe no one has ever reached the end of my conditions, but still) until I  became CA.  However, this year I learned what it means to lay my life down for someone else and to love them with the love of Christ no matter what’s going on in my own life or even what they may be doing to me or to others. I learned how to really be there for someone when they need me. I also discovered that a lot of the time real leadership is sitting on someone’s bedroom floor at 2 am instead of sleeping, or washing someone else’s dishes even when you haven’t actually cooked a meal in days. Leadership is in the little things and I have been honored and blessed to become a leader this year. It has been incredible.

I have learned and experienced so much more than this but, I don’t have enough room or time to type it all out. I just want to say that I have grown and learned so much in my two years here. I have amazing mentors and friends. Last year I was an intern with Chelsea, Breana, Grace, Kate (woo-hoo best friend gained!), Blanca (my CA), and David. This year I have been an intern with Jesse, Eric, Anthony, and David (we’re both suckers and stayed two years, ha-ha). I can honestly say that these people, especially this year’s interns, have become my family and some of my closest friends. I have found friendships that I didn’t know I would find, especially in Kate, Jesse, Eric, and Anthony, and I am so grateful for that. I wanted to say thank you to all of you as well. You prayed for me, encouraged me, and even supported me financially. I literally would not have been able to come here or stay here at it not been for you. As of now I only have $727.15 left to pay on my internship (so I mean hey if you want to help by all means…) but in reality compared to where I was when I started this is nothing to pay…and it’s because of you guys. All of you have been an amazing encouragement and support system as I have participated in this program. I have gained direction, spiritual maturity, and vision during my time spent here and you played a part in that, so thank you all!

  I also want you to know what I’ll be doing now that I have graduated from the internship. First of all I will be staying in the Branson area. I will be moving into an apartment in Reeds Spring with one of my best friends, Brooke (I provided a lovely picture of the two of us just for you!) I have been offered, and I have accepted, a non-paid staff position (fancy way of saying volunteer) as the academic supervisor for Honor Academy of The Ozarks. I’ll be keeping track on intern classes and homework, grading papers, meeting one on one with interns about said papers, as well as tutoring interns. I will also continue to mentor Jesse and I will be given the opportunity to speak various intern events as well as teach a few classes. I will continue working my part time job as an administrative assistant at Christian Associates, hopefully that’ll become full time…who knows. On the weekends I have started working with Nightlight and I will be able to become much more involved with that organization. Nightlight is an anti-human trafficking group based in Branson/Springfield. They do strip club outreach, street ministry, as well as help with aftercare. Finally I will be working in the youth group at Living Word Church on a regular basis assisting Joe, HAO alumni/youth pastor/current male CA. I am excited and scared for the next step in life. I know that God is calling me to great things and I am ready for them. Once again thank you all for everything you’ve done for me the past two years! 

Kaitlin Hicks

Gatsby Is Very Wrong, But We Already Knew That

      Have you ever missed the past so bad that it hurt? Maybe not the past but the way things used to be? A friendship that's changed or vanished completely, lack of responsibilities, maybe having someone you've lost, being naive, innocent, a simpler time, etc. Maybe something sparked it...a picture, a song, a show, a smell, it could be anything. And for unexplained reasons a sadness rose up inside of you and tears pricked your eyes. You suddenly found it hard to breathe. Hard to think. Hard to do anything. And with everything you have in that moment you wanted to go back. To repeat the past. You suddenly found yourself missing it with a longing so strong there's no word for it. Nothing at all. No way to express what you're feeling. No way to make it better. The strongest desire to repeat the past. Even though you can't.

      For me is was this picture that sparked that strong desire and pain inside of me. This is me and my cousin Caleb. He is exactly one year and three weeks younger than me. He had been my best friend for as long as I can remember. That's just how it worked. Any good or bad....okay any memory at all worth having he was a part of it. He knew everything there was to know about me. We did everything together. Now...now we're adults. We haven't been for very long mind you, but we live in closer proximity to each other than we ever have in our entire lives and yet we talk and see each other less. I am aware that this is partially my fault...heck I could be calling him instead of writing this blog. The point of this isn't to whine and complain, it's that we all know this feeling and everyone of you knows what I'm talking about. Exactly this feeling. Anyway, so couple this picture with the the song that was playing at the time (the video there on the side) and you can imagine the feeling in the pit of my stomach and the bawling that ensued. Basically I am a total Peter Pan follower and I hate growing up and I don't advise it to anyone and I am a complete nostalgia junkie and on stop of that....I absolutely hate change of any kind even if it's already happened before I realize it was change....and I do not handle it well. At all. So, yeah...anyway.

     Okay, I also love the book The Great Gatsby and I recently got to see the new version of the movie and it was fantastic! Anyway...there's this part where Nick says that you're not able to repeat the past and Gatsby looks at him and says, completely serious, "Why of course you can." Here's the thing. I want to believe that. We all do. We want to believe that we can repeat the past. That we can go back to a more innocent time. In fact I convinced myself for so long that all of this wasn't happening and soon I would wake up and be in High School again...living with my parents. Same best friend. Next door to my sister. Happy. Innocent. Care free. We all tell ourselves that this is attainable. Here's the sad truth that I've been relearning as I approach a new chapter in my life. Gatsby, is very very wrong...and we all know it. Even if we deny it. We can not and we will never be able to repeat the past. No going back. No changing things. No reliving. Nothing. It's a memory and we have to live with that. This is a harsh reality and believe me when I say it smacks me in the face every single day. I hate it sometimes...but it's a part of life. So yeah...that's where I am right now. What I'm thinking. What I'm feeling. Who knows...maybe I'll get up off the couch and call Caleb and talk or set something up, I don't know. But, what I do know. Is I am not a child anymore. I am an adult...and I can't go back. No more careless days. No more parents paying my bills. No more sister next door. No more same best friend. No more innocence. This is life and I have been thrown into the thick of it.

~ Carrots

Sick is Scary, But I'm Not Alone

     For the past couple weeks I have been sick...like in and out the hospital sick. Sick as in they don't know what's wrong because the diagnoses went from the stomach flu to gallstones to possibly lymphoma to infected organs sick. To be honest, it's scary. Terrifying even. Being in constant pain and not know why. To sit lay there in the hospital higher than a kite while your "adopted" big sister holds your hand and strokes your face trying to keep you calm. While your mom is on the phone with her trying to figure out what's going on. Your best friend comes by the house and calls you and worries and her mom brings you movies and checks in just to make sure your still breathing. That kind of sick. 

     I'm used to hospitals and needles because I have food allergies and those can be intense. I'm not used to actually being sick or being in the hospital. I had my first IV. My first cat scan. My first ultra sound. I had a lot of first things. The pain killers made me so loopy is was ridiculous. The lab tech had to come tell me that Kristoff isn't real. That was embarrassing. It is scary though not knowing what's wrong with you. I mean at one point and time I was in so much pain I collapsed on my floor and just vomited everywhere...it was bad. I have follow up appointments this next week and I'm still in pain and I still have meds but I am getting better. Anyway, the point of this blog is that I am thankful.

     I have people that love me. People that aren't blood but that are my family. My parents live 5 hours away and couldn't get to me. I could have easily been dropped of at the hospital or home and left alone but I wasn't. At the hospital I always had someone by my side. They left their jobs and families to sit with me, so that I wouldn't be alone. When I was home I had someone dropping by or calling or messaging me constantly. I was never alone. I was, I am loved. I am surrounded by people that would drop everything for me. One of my biggest needs is family. One of my biggest fears is being alone. When I was sick I kept thinking I can't do this alone. I can't. I don't have to. My best friend was there. My "big sister" was there. My mentor. My best friend's mom. Those are all people that were physically there for me. My mom and my dad were constantly on the phone. My church family was constantly praying for me. People were checking in and asking about me. I was, I am loved. So, just remember. No matter what you think or what you're scared of. You are not alone. 

~ Carrots

SPEAK

     I really want to write but I don't know what to write about. I want to blog but I am blanking on important things. Like I started to write a blog about home....BLANK. Write a blog about courage and valor....BLANK. So I am writing because I can...about what? Nothing in particular. This is a blog post about nothing, and you know what? I am completely okay with that. Sometimes it's okay so just sit down and just write. Words are beautiful....words have power. Use your words...your power for good. Right now other people are planning a huge event that I'm involved in....I am not involved in the planning. I am just sitting here...I suppose someone will soon remember my existence. Soon someone will acknowledge that I have thoughts and ideas to apply...soon someone will take the time to listen to my voice. I have things to say. So do you. Jump in and do what you want. Make your presence known! If you want to write...WRITE! If you want to speak, SPEAK. Sing, Dance, Act...whatever you want. Someone needs you. They need your creativity, your ideas, your voice, your dreams, your energy, you...they need you. I need you! Don't just observe, jump in and go. I'm going to in T minuse 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1

~ Carrots

My Best Friend and I Went To Chicago: A Free Form Poem

My best friend and I went to Chicago

It was going to be the trip of the year

It was the trip of the year

We got in the car and drove for 9 hours

We got stopped in traffic

We ate at gas stations

We sang songs from frozen

My best friend and I drove to Chicago

My best friend and I arrived in Chicago

We were exhausted and hungry from the trip

Poor us we hadn't eaten 

In a couple hours

So we used our nice gift cards and ate at a restaurant

Then we laid our weary heads on fancy hotel pillows

But not before watching Supernatural on Netflix

My best friend and I arrived in Chicago 

My best friend and I woke up and ventured into Chicago

We went and visited a college we didn't want to go to

We talked to kids we had just met

We questioned why the school wasn't sending missionaries into the ghetto

Then we sat in on an apologetics class and ate free cafeteria food

We avoided the ghetto at all costs

Maybe not really asking those questions with sincere hearts

My best friend and I woke up and ventured into Chicago

My best friend and I walked through Chicago

We parked our car in a safe place and bought a ventra public transit card

I encountered my first homeless man

Face to face but I didn't have any cash

So I kept walking

I didn't even bother to pray

We went in and out of stores

Sang songs as we skipped down the streets

Went into a creepy art museum and complained about wasting eight dollars

All the while walking past another man who didn't have eight dollars to waste

We saw art and architecture

Faced my fear of heights by visiting the John Hancock tower

Briefly complained that we didn't have enough money 

To buy ridiculous outfits for kids we don't have

Passing by another man that didn't have enough money for lunch

My best friend and I walked through Chicago

My best friend and I went back to out hotel

We had, had an amazing day in the city

Just two best friends roaming around

Making amazing memories

Exploring new places

But we were tired and we needed sleep

Needed to rest up for our next big day in the city

I got a little car sick

Ate some crackers

Went to sleep

Felt Better

My best friend and I went back to our hotel

My best friend and I went back into Chicago

We went to Millennial Park and saw the bean

We went and watched a Polish Day parade

My best friend made a new friend

He was a drunk Polish kid

A strange man decided to talk to us

He made us nervous

So we got lost in the crowd of people

We saw protesters at the parade

I don't know what they were protesting

Maybe they just hated the polish

Then we got on a train and went to the Navy Pier

We passed another man

He wanted to let us know that Jesus was coming back

I already know this

I wonder if he knows that he's chasing people away

Not drawing them to God

Then I walked past another homeless man

I didn't help him

Did I chase him away?

My best friend and I went back into Chicago

My best friend and I made it to the Navy Pier

We rode a carousel because she loves me

I rode the Ferris wheel because I love her

We walked to the water

Took beautiful city skyline pictures

I never encountered anyone in need at the Pier

I left with a clear conscious 

I didn't question myself

Or feel guilt because I couldn't help anyone

I enjoyed the day

My best friend and I made it to the Navy Pier

My best friend and stayed a little too late in Chicago

We ended up on the wrong side of town

Taking the subway with a drug dealer, inappropriate college kids, and people who could care less

I passed several homeless men and I could do nothing

As we came out of the subway I learned what fear can feel like

A group of men yelled at us

Tried to block us

And almost followed us

They got distracted and we were free

I hope the girl that distracted them is okay

I asked a cop making a dirty deal how to find the bus stop

I think he contemplated shooting me before he gave me directions

We finally found the bus stop and stood with the only other white girl

I wondered if I was racist

I didn't think racism was still a thing in my world

But she felt safe

I could feel guilty about that later

I saw a girl working

She was walking the streets and something rose up inside of me

My heart broke

I went to talk to her

To give her a number she could call so she could get help

I saw her pimp across the street

I knew if I tried to help her or talk to her he would punish her

I would only make things worse

So I let her go

We finally got on the bus and I didn't let anyone see me stifle me tears for her

We made it back the car safe and sound

My best friend and I stayed a little too late in Chicago

My best friend I made it home

I slept for seven hours of the nine hour drive

We left the city behind us 

Made a lot of memories

Did I a lot of cool things

Have a lot of fun stories to tell

Pictures to share

We plan on making it an annual trip

We only talk about the good things

We try to forget the faces of those we couldn't help

Next year the trip will have a purpose

It will be our get away

Our bonding time trip to leave home and responsibility behind

But, we'll pack some spare change

So that maybe we can buy that man a ride to the shelter

Chicago was an adventure

It changed me

Now I'm back to the daily grind

We'll have to go back though

To get the piece of me I left behind

Oh

My best friend and I made it home

~ Carrots