Blog Challenge Day 3: Your Favorite TV Show

     This is actually a little difficult so let me just give you the short list.
   
1. Boy Meets World
     This show is just great all the way around. It's funny and light hearted and then deals with real life issues and lessons the next minute. It has wonderful, hilarious, wise, and real characters. It's just a show about growing up. It also has the greatest love story ever, Shawn and Cory (obviously), haha....but really Cory and Topanga are great. Nothing will ever rival the friendship between Shawn and Cory though. Eric is always there to make you laugh and then to make you cry and Feeney will always be there do guide you through life. It's full of laughter, tears, question, answers, growth, and change. What more do you want in a show?

2. Gilmore Girls
    This show is just so great. I could binge watch Gilmore Girls for days...in fact I have. I am totally team Jess, by the way. There is so much sassyness in that show and it's funny. It has my personal favorite will they, won't they relationship in all of TV history. I like to pretend that Luke and Lorelai are back together. Watching Rory grow up and change. Rory and Lorelai's relationship. Emily and Lerelai's relationship is fun to watch. I personally love Richard Gilmore. It's just a great show for young women...actually for any women to watch. Filled with very strong and very different women. To me it very much so presents the, all women are fantastic and powerful, message and I for one love it! It shows a real family with real issues but, despite all of the silence and fights and years of not speaking, they do still love each other. Also Luke....if nothing else watch the show for the incredible, sarcastic, grumpy, yet loving, and generous Luke Danes. The man is pretty much the greatest. Who's excited for the Netflix reboot?!?!? I know it'll be wonderful and it will also rip my heart out. RIP Edward Hermann aka Richard Gilmore.

3. Buffy The Vampire Slayer
     If you haven't ever watched this....do it now. This is totally one of those shows I watch for the side characters and to cry out all of my pent up emotions. Buffy is good, I like her but if I'm honest Buffy is the last reason I watch the show. The first reason is Xander Harris...aka ultimate best friend in the world. He's hilarious, he is always there when someone needs him (like dark Willow :'( :') ) That episode gave me all the feels. He has wonderful words of wisdom. Xander is the glue that hols everyone together. He also has really really sad things happen to him. Which makes me bawl. His relationship with Willow is my favorite relationship ever and I totally shipped them...basically until Oz showed up because Oz and Willow were perfect. Then Oz left and Willow became a lesbian, but not the point. Xander and Willow being best friends is incredible because they are the best of all best friends. It's safe to say I'm pretty in love with Xander. Willow...I love Willow. I love Willow because I am Willow...just not gay. I feel for Willow. I identify with Willow. I wish my hair would look like Willow's. I just Willow. Then Oz was around for a while and Oz was perfect until he left. I watched for Oz for a while because he was just so mellow and chill and always relaxed. The whole two times he wasn't totally chill it made you jump (literally I jumped when he threw the vase and the time he yelled) and sometimes cry. Giles...everyone needs a Giles. Giles is like the perfect dad who's not actually your dad. Anya, Spike, Dawn, even Jonathan. Buffy is for sure one of those shows I watch for the characters. If you ever need a good cry just watch season 6.

4. Dance Academy
     This a teen age drama show set in a ballet school. I love it. I actually enjoy watching the dancing and honestly I enjoy getting caught up the ridiculous friendships, relationships, rivalries, etc. It's not really funny but it's not sad either. The end of season 2 and beginning of season 3 will absolutely rip your heart out but other than that it's your pretty standard show geared towards teens and I love it. I will say this. Of all the shows that I have watched all the way through Dance Academy has the most fulfilling series finale. It could have gone and it did end with me going, "wait I need more! What's happening with so and so..." but it had one of the better wrap ups and closure moments of all of the shows I've watched.

5. Baby Daddy
     Baby Daddy is just funny. Plain and simple. It's about a young single dad raising his daughter with the help of his brother and best friend. It's just funny. I watch it because it's funny. It has the mandatory love triangle and gives you people to cheer for. (Totally want Danny and Riley to be a thing!!) It has it's moments that are serious and maybe even make you tear up but it's a comedy through and through.

     So there it is ladies and gents. My short list! Hope you enjoyed!

Blog Challenge Day 2

Blog Challenge Day 2: Something You Feel Strongly About

     This took me a while to decide on. My default subject was to write about Sex Trafficking because I feel so passionately about that, that I want to dedicate my life to fighting it. However, sometimes that seem to be all I talk about so I wanted to give something else a shot. The next thing I automatically thought about was the current treatment of law enforcement but I also don't feel like I can adequately keep a level head when presenting my case. There are many other things I could discuss abortion, education, guns, religion, etc. Yes, I have strong feelings about all of these things but it's not what I wanted to write about. I'm going to talk about teen pregnancy, at least in a sense. I'm not going to talk about how it's bad and should be prevented. Yes, I think it's a mistake for teenagers to get pregnant. I want to prevent teen pregnancy, and yada yada yada. But, I'm not going to harp on that. I want to talk about what schools should be doing to help pregnant teens and teen moms stay involved in school and help get them to college.
     When I was in the High School my school was one of the highest in the nation for teen pregnancies percentage wise, at least that's what I was told. I don't know if that is accurate, but it sure felt that way. It was not be any stretch of the truth to say that the majority of the girls in my class had a pregnancy scare and some a pregnancy that ended with either a miscarriage, an abortion, or a baby. (Duh those are your options when it comes to being pregnant.) I knew of a lot of girls that had babies and dropped out of school, or had babies and graduated but didn't go to college, etc. I knew of a lot of them. It's always sad, like "awe she dropped out of school bummer." I never really thought about what was actually happening, and then my friend got pregnant.
     For the sake of this blog we will rename her and her boyfriend Abigail and Samuel. In reality I was closer friends with Samuel and Abigail and I became friends by default. Let me tell you this is not one of those stories where she gets pregnant, drops out of school, and her life is ruined. I don't know how she handled college with a baby because I graduated and moved before she did. She did however stay in school and didn't just get by, she participated. She stayed involved. She remained in her clubs, and kicked butt in them I might add. She won competitions. Despite becoming a mother at such a young age she thrived in school. As opposed to many of her peers who, after getting pregnant, let that completely take away their education and experiences. I have never been pregnant and so I don't know how difficult it can be. I do know that a child completely alter and changes your life and honestly, when you're a teenager it isn't exactly a good thing. I imagine being kid and mother is extremely difficult and that is why many teen moms completely drop out of school and lose sight of their bright futures.
     A comment was made to me while I was still in high school in regards to Abigail and it left me speechless out of anger. There was mention of Abigail still participating in various activities that put her in front of a large portion of the student body. The third party member of this conversation said something along the lines of how Abigail should basically be removed from any extra curricular activities and not allowed to participate in such things because it's glorifying teen pregnancy. (Samuel of course was never mentioned as being removed form such activities...but whatever.) I was so angry. Glorifying teen pregnancy?!? Yes because every girl watched her hobble out onto the field, visibly miserable, three times her normal size, struggling to carry an instrument, and thought, "I want that!" No, no one thought that.
     Again, I am not encouraging teens to go out and get pregnant. I'm not. I am saying that these activities were the only thing Abigail had in the midst of this that made her stay involved and want to continue her education. She was already facing a huge life altering thing, something that set her apart from her responsibility free peers. Kicking her out of extracurricular activities would have humiliated her and ostracized her even more. Very probably would have pushed her to drop out or decide since high school was so difficult college and anything more than a minimum wage job. How many other girls had dropped out because they were ostracized just like third party person was suggesting should be done with Abigail.
     This blog doesn't provide any real solutions and isn't very well put together and eloquent but it is something I feel strongly about. I think when teenagers make a mistake and end up becoming parents we shouldn't shun them and make it harder for them to do things we should encourage them and help them. Heck, put those pregnant girls in the school play and let them march across the field with a trumpet. Babysit so those dads can play football or sing in the choir, whatever. Yes make them take responsibility and stay home with the baby when they used to go out, but there's a balance. I think we should do what it takes to make these kids stay engaged and reach their potential despite what happened and not discount them because of it. Maybe if we would get over the initial shock and disappointment of what happened and focused on the fact that they need help and support to move forward and then provide it we would see things in society as a whole begin to change for the better.
   

Blog Challenge Day One!!

    I have decided to do the 30 Day Blog Challenge!!! However, here is my disclaimer, it will not be for 30 straight days because I don't have internet every day. Bummer...so I basically just have all of the things necessary for the 30 day blog challenge and I'm going to do them in order to a) write more frequently and b) so we can all get to know each other a little better. So here we go.

DAY ONE: Five Ways To Win Your Heart

Five ways to win my heart...man here goes.

1) Read books, read books I recommend to you and then discuss them with me! Recommend books to me. Just books!

2) Let me ramble. I have many interests and obsessions. I like so many books, bands, shows, movies, and people. I never just "like" something, I obsess. I'm going to analyze fictional characters, and tell you about the same singer everyday for a month. Just listen. Let me talk. Let me go on and on about Anne of Green Gables, and Casey Breves, the difference between Spiderman movies and Spiderman comics, Captain America, and Dance Academy. Eventually I will stop and it'll be your turn. I know you probably don't care but the fact that you listen makes me feel good.

3) Remember what I'm passionate about and ask me how it's going. This is the serious stuff. Like my passion to fight sex trafficking. Ask me about it. Remember it.

4) Chocolate and Gummy bears. Seriously, it's that easy.

5) Initiate conversation but don't force it. As all of my friends can attest to I am very introverted. I love my friends and I like hanging out with people but I also really really like time to myself. I even really like being with people, without being with people. I like it when I can hang out with someone and talk and laugh....and I also really like it when I can sit in the same room as someone and daydream or read or whatever without being interrupted.

     So there we have it. Day one of the blog challenge done and now you know 5 ways to win my heart should you desire to do so. I'm out!!

~ Carrots

First Thirty Seconds of Becoming An Adult

     For Christmas my roommate got be a huge book composed of 642 writing prompts. It's a book I had been wanting forever. Every single time we went to Target I would grab it and flip through and look at all of the prompts. I would always pick one and verbally flesh it out into a story or give my answer. I would spend the majority of the car ride home thinking about whatever prompt I had picked out. Since Christmas it's safe to say I've spent hours sitting over that book writing and imagining. Despite all of the time I've spent with that book I'm not even close to having 1/4 of the prompts answered.
     There's one writing prompt that I've attempted to start several times but I haven't been able to. The moment you realized you were an adult? I've sat at the table staring at it trying to come up with an answer. Surely I've had this moment. I'll be 22 in a few short months. I've been out of the house, heck out of the state, for almost 4 years. I've failed miserably at college, failed at relationships, paid bills...oh so many bills, had jobs, been laid off, gotten a tattoo, had speeding tickets, I have my own place, I've had surgery, heck I'm a youth leader at my church...that should all equal being an adult. Yet through all of it I have never had a moment where I've been like, aha so this is it, the moment where I'm no longer a child. I've just continued to see myself as growing up. Today I think I had the first thirty seconds of that moment.
     Today was Operation Bucket List...okay so that's what I named today because I like naming things. My cousin, Caleb, is leaving for the marines in just over a week. Today was the last opportunity we would have to hang out and spend time with each other before he leaves. Caleb and I have been best friends practically since birth. Just check out this adorable, yet extremely blurry picture, just to see how far back we go. That's me trying to carry him, even though we're the exact

same size. We spent the afternoon together just hanging out. We went and got ice cream, spent a few hours wandering around Vintage Stock, watched shows about ghosts, talked about anything and everything, debated about ridiculous things, played the piano, watched youtube; we did practically everything we could manage to cram into a few hours. A lot of the things we've done since we were little kids (barring any outside activities because it's freezing). We just spent the day being us.
     Caleb and I didn't grow up down the street together by any means. In fact the closest we've lived to each other is an hour. But, that didn't stop us from growing up together and always being there when it counted. The conversations on the phone that lasted until 3 am because life was hard. I met his most of his girlfriends, and he always new which guys I liked. We knew everything about each other. I used to joke around that he knew me better than myself. When Caleb was going through a hard time; through family stuff, the loss of friends, etc I was there and I mourned with him. When he was the most kick butt percussionist in the state, when he got a scholarship, and got award I was there to celebrate. I can't think of a single time when I needed him that he wasn't there. When my grandfather on the other side of the family passed away Caleb came and sat with me through the funeral. This last September my appendix ruptured and my fantastic roommate took me to the hospital. She called my parents, and no one else, but they would take a while to get there because they lived in the next state over. Who showed up unexpectedly until my mom could get there? Caleb did, and he came back every day that I was in the hospital (until he got strep throat because that would have been a bad deal). We have always been there to support each other and carry each other (literally before my surgery when the pain was so bad I couldn't walk on my own) through life. To quote my favorite Anne Shirley we are in every sense of the word, "kindred spirits."  There has never been a point in life where I thought I would have to do life without him. Until today.
     After the day was over we hugged, said goodbye, and he left. As I watched my best friend of 21 years drive off I realized this was our last day together. Our last day as friends and it hurt like crazy. Don't get me wrong I am extremely proud of him for joining the military, and I am ecstatic to begin my Thailand adventure but that didn't make it any easier. I know, you're thinking, he'll be back. Yeah he will, he'll come back in May for 10 days exactly and then he'll leave again for 3 weeks. Then he gets his station, maybe here, maybe somewhere else. It doesn't matter because then I leave. I'm moving to Thailand this fall and who knows if or when I'm coming back. As I stood outside in the snow, waving goodbye to the other side of my coin all I could think was, "so this is what becoming an adult feels like." I'm not saying that I feel like a total adult or that I'm there yet. However, for me realizing that I won't always have my best friend by my side was officially the first 30 seconds of the, The moment you realized you were an adult writing prompt. Today I officially left part of my childhood behind.

Life Is An Earthquake

     Sometimes in life we feel empty. Things get messy and confusing. Life hurts; mostly it hurts because it changes. Things shift and you have no control over it. It's in the little things like who sits next to who at Christmas dinners. You notice it when suddenly conversations become about what's in theaters instead of your dreams and naming stars. Growing up is one big tectonic plate shifting and shaking your world and just when you think things are going back to normal, you think things are slowing down, everything comes to a screeching halt. What no one tells you about sudden stops is that there's still momentum that crashes everything that's left into the ground. It hurts and it's painful.

     You pick yourself up off of the ground and brush the dust off. Scrambling around trying to gather everything you hold dear. It looks different for everyone; gluing the pieces together that is. Sometimes it's sharing with someone you don't even know. It's sacrifice and giving of yourself. It's letting old dreams die and trying desperately to find a new one. It's fighting with everything you have. It's climbing until you fall down exhausted and then forcing yourself to go one step more. 

     More often than we'd like to admit there is no putting it back together. It's changed and it will never be the same again. We get angry and lash out. We feel abandoned. We become depressed. We curl up inside of ourselves and mourn all that we've lost. We scream, kick, cry, and hit. We try to make sense of everything. We close our tear filled eyes and pray that when we wake up we realize that it will all just be a bad dream. It's not. This is life. It changes us and knocks us flat and it sucks. It hurts and sometimes it leaves us feeling empty and defeated and confused. We want to give up. Stop trying. Just lay down and never give up. That's just how it is.

     I get it, I understand. Here's what I have to say it sucks. It will and you don't have to pretend like everything is okay. Kick, scream, and cry if that's what you need to do. It's okay to be upset. What's not okay is to give up on yourself. Never...ever give up on yourself. You can keep going. You can and you will.

Happy New Year

     I just wanted to take some time to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope you have a great one. As I look back on this year I am in awe. There were times this year when I thought I wasn't going to make it. I thought I couldn't handle the pressure and I thought I was just going to give up. There were also moments of insurmountable joy and incredible memories to look back upon.
     This year was hard I lost friends and other people I cared about. I started a new job and ventured into new and scary things. I battled things I never thought I would have to face in ministry, work, friendships, and my own personal life. My appendix ruptured and I was in the hospital for a long amount of time because everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I had heart breaks and sad days. There were times when I sat in room and cried in despair and there were times when I screamed and through things against the wall. It was by no means an easy year. It was draining, stressful, confusing, and emotional.
     It wasn't all bad either. In fact in some ways it was amazing. I was accepted for an internship in Thailand starting next summer. I had amazing adventures with my friends and family. I made incredible friendships and memories. My "baby brother" was born and my family gained two new children through foster care. I went to PBR and explored Devil's Den. By God's provision 95% of my hospital bill from my surgery was covered by financial assistance. Christ revealed his love and grace to me over and over even though I failed him time and time again. I spent time with those I loved doing what I loved. I read new books and wrote new stories and began brand new chapters in my life.
     No this year has not been easy but it has been rewarding. I just want to say Happy New Year and give you some hope. This year had moments that I thought I couldn't survive but I did. No matter what has happened or what will happen you can survive. You will survive. Yes life hurts sometimes but it is also a joy sometimes.
     If I spend so much time in distress over my hospital bill that I miss the joy in having a baby brother to love then I'm really not living am I? So, no matter what happens or comes your way take time to enjoy the mountain highs even while you're stuck in the valley. Happy New Year!!

Disney Challenge

1. Favorite Movie
     Tangled, it's my favorite movie period...not just my favorite Disney movie. I love it!
2. Favorite Princess
     Rapunzel (obviously)
   

3. Favorite Prince

     This is actually a little difficult...okay, so my favorite Disney man is Kristoff, but he's no a prince..at all. He's not even married to Anna, yet so he can't actually count as my answer. So my favorite prince is Flynn, because now that he married a princess he is in fact a prince.

4. Favorite Song

     This is a tough one! There are so many good songs and so many I would consider my favorites. However, if I have to narrow it down to just one I would have to choose Tale As Old As Time  from Beauty and The Beast

5. Favorite Kiss

     My favorite kiss is totally Kristoff and Anna...it's adorable, and awkward, and he asks permission. It's a winner.

6. Prettiest Princess

     Merida from Brave it would be because I have curly crazy hair and I've always wanted to be a ginger but I just think she's gorgeous and I want to look like her.

7. Favorite Castle

     It's a pretty big tie between the Tangled castle and the Cinderella castle

8. Saddest Moment

   Saddest Disney moment is in Lilo and Stitch either when Nani chases the spaceship that has Lilo in it or when they take Lilo away from Nani. 

  9. Favorite Couple

     Totally Kristoff and Anna

10. Best Hair

     Rapunzel

11. Favorite Animal Side Kick

     Jack Jack and Gus Gus from Cinderella...I've loved them since I was little!

12. Favorite Non Animal Side Kick

     Can I count the magic carpet from Aladdin?

13. Favorite Outfit

     I love Belle's ball gown....it's just so amazing. I want one just like it.

14. Favorite Villain

     Scar, he's just a good villain. He's sarcastic, and malicious...and dang he's great.

15. Favorite Romantic Moment

     There are so many romantic moments in Disney history but seriously Carl and Ellie's entire love story from Up is the most romantic...and the saddest thing ever.

16. Favorite Singing Voice

     Flynn or Kristoff

17. Best Eyes

     We'll give this one to Prince Eric

18. Favorite Name

     Flynn Rider....I will probably name my son that

19. Favorite Soundtrack

     Tangled

20. Funniest Moment

     For me personally I think the moment in Mulan when she asks Shang if he wants to stay for dinner and her grandmother yells across the yard, "Would you like to stay forever?" Is hilarious!

21. Favorite Quote

     “You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

22. Bravest Heroine

     Mulan....hands down Mulan

23. Favorite Dance Scene

     Carl and Ellie <3

24. Favorite Parent

     I know she's not really a parent but I'm giving this one to Nani because she's just a kid herself and is having to be a big sister and mother to Lilo.

25. Favorite Lyrics

     Just the whole song...At Last I See The Light

26. Most Magical Moment

     My favorite "magical" moment will always be the carpet ride in Aladdin.

27. Best Wardrobe

     I personally like how Jane from Tarzan dresses

28. Favorite Sequel

     This isn't technically a sequel...but Cinderall 3 A Twist In Time is fantastic!!! If you haven't seen it go watch it.

29. Favorite Overall Moment

     The whole lantern/boat scene in Tangled.

30. Favorite Happy Ending

     It's a tie between Flynn and Rapunzel ending up together and Nani getting to keep Lilo!

 

Why You Need To Watch Girl Meets World

     A few weeks ago my appendix ruptured and I spent a while in the hospital, a while at my parents house, and a few days at my grandparents house. I also spent a lot of time watching TV, mostly Girl Meets World. Let me just tell you, that you need to watch it. First of all I love Boy Meets World and if you love BMW I promise you will love GMW if for no other reason than all of the BMW alum and references. It's just a good show. I watched Girl Meets Rileytown last night...talk about a for real episode. I cried. It's entertaining and addresses real issues such as bullying. It's also funny and witty, unlike most kids shows these days. All of the actors and actresses are adorable and if you don't ship Maya with Josh you're a liar. Josh...another reason to watch. Uriah Shelton...enough said. So there....I pushed it, go watch it!

Y-Studs

     What this post comes down to is that these guys are incredible and you MUST watch this video!

~Carrots

Saying Goodbye Sucks

     I've had tons of experience saying goodbye in my short lifetime. Saying goodbye to town, schools, houses, friends, family, favorite places, memories, and seasons of life. I've been told it gets easier as time goes on, but I don't think that's true. I think it's something we tell ourselves to try and make ourselves feel better every time a goodbye is coming up. This week I had another goodbye. I had to say goodbye to a lot of things. I said goodbye to some emotional investments I had made, I had to say goodbye to my sister after she spent the weekend at my house, after a year of not being an intern this class' graduation brought another wave of saying goodbye to my internship experience and Texas, and I had to say goodbye to Megan.
     Three interns, Holli, Ben, and Megan, all graduated from their undergrads year a few days ago and I consider all of them to be great friends. Holli and Ben are sticking around...Megan is moving back to Wisconsin. It sucks.
     Every time I say goodbye to my sister I get a little teary but I also know she's my sister and she'll always be around. I'll see her again and we'll talk on the phone and the distance may ache but we're still with each other. Saying goodbye to friends isn't that way. In all honesty we don't if or when we'll see each other again. We don't know for how long or how consistently we'll stay in contact. Maybe we made a friendship that will last a lifetime and span the distance, like I've been blessed enough to have with Kate, or maybe we'll cry and miss each other and try for a while and then wake up one day and realize we haven't talked in months. At the moment I can't fathom that happening and I'm still crying over what I feel I've lost, but that could very likely be the reality that's facing me.
     Anyway, so we gathered in Hurts Donuts for our last hoorah and shortly after getting some deliciousness my sister and Holli's family left (we're from the same town so they took my sister home), we went outside and told them goodbye, teared up, and had to go back inside. The real blow came when we get back inside and Megan's mom is standing up and saying it was time to leave at which point I lost it and started bawling. The flood gates had opened in the middle of a donuts shop and there was no stopping it. We ended up in a loft away from everyone in a very strange group hug, Holli, Megan, and I, and cried. There was no way I was letting Megan leave me. Who else was I supposed to fangirl over The Jonas Brothers with? Or watch High School Musical? Who's clothes was I going to steal? Who would be able to be Megan and Kaitlin with me if I have no Megan? No one.
     Eventually we went back down took pictures in which I'm sure we were all red and blotchy and Megan left and I was left with the ache of another goodbye and the hole that takes away your breath when you feel like you're losing someone that means the world to you. It sucks and that feeling hasn't gone away yet and I don't know when it will. I haven't really stopped crying and I don't know when that will happen either. All I know is through goodbyes and separations life will go on. It has to. There is no grand life lesson or revelation in this post other than this bit of encouragement. We all go through goodbyes and loss and we all survive. So, when you're facing a goodbye that you think might kill you remember this, it will not kill you, your will survive, and you're not alone.

Life Sucks, Walk In Faith

     I don't know about anyone else but for me personally life hasn't been the easiest or happiest walk in the park lately. As most of us know life, to put it rather bluntly, sucks sometimes. That's a fact. Sometimes life sucks. People hurt us, circumstances can get difficult, and life can be overwhelming and sometimes we feel stuck. We wonder why things aren't getting better, why nothing is changing, why, why, why. Sometimes one season or phase of life ends and it ends painfully and, sometimes rather reluctantly, are are forced or called to move onto something new. We have to let go of things and people and move forward in life. Letting go of things and having to move on can be difficult, confusing, and painful. When we lose something we mourn and grieve and we feel as a loss.We can feel stuck and totally unsure of what the next move is only knowing that we had better make a move soon or else. It can be hard to take that first step and move on, especially when we have no clue where we're going. However, the time of mourning for the things or people we've had cut out of our lives must come to and end. Eventually we have to get over it and move on. Then we have to exercise faith even it feels like that's the last thing we want to do. We don't know what to do next...well make a move. Sometimes we have to exercise faith before God makes a move. We have to take the first step into the deep waters of life that God is asking us to cross and as we take that step a path will become clear. God responds to people to move in faith even when it seems like God isn't around them. When we're overwhelmed and confused and scared we have to know that Christ is with us and we have to move in faith even if we can't see three feet in front of us. One time I was talking to a mentor of mine about being afraid and confused about what the next step in life was. I wanted so badly to know 100% everything that was going to happen and to have complete peace an no doubt about anything. He simply said to me when you walk in faith and do what God has asked you will always have the peace of God. However, sometimes the peace doesn't come until you're right in the thick of it. So, if you're feeling discouraged, confused, scared, or unsure about something in your life move in faith and know that God will come through.

~ Carrots

All My Harry Potter Lists

     Last night I finished reading Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows for the first time. I have now read all of the books...and let me tell you, I cried for a good 15 minutes after I finished the books. I've read tons of book series and hundreds upon hundreds of books in my lifetime, and yet no books series quite attached itself to my heart the way this one has. It physically aches me that it's over. So in order to ease the pain of finishing Harry Potter I decided to make some Harry Potter related lists. I also put a limit on 10 for each list because there are so many.

List One - Favorite Characters (In Order)

1. Fred Weasley

2. Neville Longbottom

3. Minerva McGonagall

4. Molly Weasley

5. Ginny Weasley

6. Ron Weasley

7. Arthur Weasley

8. Hermione Granger

9. George Weasley

10. Luna Lovegood

List Number Two - Brave Men (other than Snape) Harry could have named his son after.

I'm making this list because even when all was said and done maybe I felt more sympathy for Snape or whatever...but I still didn't like him, and there were so many other brave men in Harry's life, braver than Snape, that he could have named Albus Severous after.

1. Fred Weasley

2. Remus Lupin

3. Hagrid (I mean THIS MAN!)

4. Neville Longbottom

5. Frank Longbottom (maybe he didn't actually know him but still)

6. Arthur

7. Dobby...he could have a child named Dobby!

8. Cedric Diggory!

9. Colin Creevey

10. Madeye

I was going to make a list called People That Could Have Died Instead of Fred but I decided againts it for fear. Seriously though,,,,WHY FRED?!?! Okay I hope you enjoyed it a little but and maybe I'll get over my pain eventually.

20 Minutes With Thurman

    A couple weeks ago I had the honor of meeting a man named Thurman, he and his wife came into the store where I work and while his wife shopped Thurman sat on a bench in an entry way. They walked in and his wife asked if there was a place that he could sit and then she went on to explain that he has alzheimers and he wouldn't be able to go up and down the stairs, and that it would be easier on him if he could sit somewhere and wait. We agreed and before she went downstairs she told us her name and his and to come get her if he got too anxious.
     He was fine for a while and then he started getting anxious and got up and went to look for his wife and my co-worker talked to him and got him to calm down and sit and he was fine. A few minutes same thing. After the third time he was getting very anxious so my co-worker went to tell his wife and I just decided to go sit with him. I've never been around someone going through that so I honestly didn't know if my presence would help or if it would make him more nervous. I grabbed a couple Missouri Conservationist off of our magazine rack and sat down next to him. He was really excited that I knew his name, and he introduced himself to me and I to him and then we looked through one of the magazines together. He told me about how much he loves fishing and how he's always wanted to go quail hunting.
     A few minutes into our conversation he literally blinked once, looked at me and went, "Hi, I'm Thurman...do I know you? Have we met?" I told him we had just met and we were new friends and told him my name, he relaxed and started looking at the magazine and he told me the same stories. This time he told me he was born in 1925, and he wasn't sure how old that made him but he was pretty sure he was 35. A few minutes went passed and soon we had to do introductions again. At this point I started to tear up because I couldn't even begin to imagine what this was like for him or his family. How awful this must be for everyone who loved him. It broke my heart to have to imagine having to go through this. Gently, Thurman reached over and took my hand.
      "Don't cry, I don't like seeing people cry, there's no sense in it. There's so much badness in the world but you can't let it steal your joy. I would never do anything to make anyone feel bad. I believe in working hard, believing in each other, love, and kindness. We must always be kind to those around us, always care for everyone. We can't hurt each other, we need each other too much."
      About that moment his wife walked by and waved at us on her way to the register. Thurman lit up, "Do you see her? She's mine...isn't she beautiful?" I nodded and told her of course she is. His eyes softened and he held my hand tighter, "she's the kindest woman I've ever known. I just couldn't stand being with a woman who was unkind or cantankerous, nope couldn't handle that. But her, she's so kind and gentle. She'd do anything for anybody, give you the clothes off her back, she's just like that. She's an incredible woman that one is."
     After that we just sat silent, hand in hand, waiting for his wife to come through the check out. She did and when she came out she thanked me for sitting with her husband, but really I was the one who should have been thanking her. As he got up to go he turned around to shake my hand, "It was nice meeting you young lady, maybe I'll see you again real soon." If I ever do see Thurman again he won't remember me, he won't know he ever sat with me on a bench inside of a store. I however, will never forget Thurman. Even in the midst of all he was going through he didn't forget the important things. He didn't forget who he was, and he didn't forget to pass on his wisdom. Thurman is right we have to believe in hard work, each other, love, and kindness because there is so much darkness in the world. We have to remember that we need each other and not to let the world steal our joy.

~ Carrots 

Thailand

     It has been so long since I posted something and so much has happened and changed. I'm going to be an aunt (again!), I got some incredible news today...but I have to keep it under wraps for a couple weeks, some of my very close friends are getting married soon and I get to be part of their special day, and I applied for a seven month internship to Thailand...yep seven whole months in another country. I haven't officially been accepted yet, so I haven't started fundraising yet, but I know I'm going. This is something God has asked me to do and I am totally pumped...and totally terrified. I put off applying for a long time because I was scared. Scared of what exactly? Leaving the country, being away from my friends and family, being replaces by my friends and family while I'm gone, death...yes, death. Open your ears to what's going on around the world right now, death is something reasonable to be afraid of. I put it off and put it off and while expressing all of my fears and concerns to my incredible best friend she affirmed me until I asked, "but what if I die?" She looked straight at me and said, "what if you do? Would you rather live miserable outside the will of God, or die inside the will of God doing what you're passionate about?"
     I had to stop and think and really pray about that question. I mean in this internship I get to go to Thailand and work with Sex Trafficking victims and do what I love and what I'm called to do. Haven't I said before that I would give my life to help these people and to be able to pursue my dream? I've said it but did I really mean it?
     Now, I'm not saying I think I'm going to Thailand because I don't really, but would I be willing to go if there was a 100% chance I would die. That was the question I had to ask myself, that's something  I had to deal with and pray about. How far am I willing to go when it comes to serving the Lord. It's a question we all have to ask ourselves. After a lot of prayer and sleepless nights I applied. I signed up said I wanted to go. As soon as I did...peace. The fear I had been wrestling with, GONE. The doubt, gone. Anxiety, gone. All of it was gone. By being inside the will of God I had peace that extended beyond the list of bad things that could happen to me. It's a peace that extends beyond death.
     I'm still nervous, but I'm not scared anymore because I know I'm preparing to do what God has called me to do. I'm not scared because I know that no matter what happens to me while I'm there it will be worth it. It will be worth it all.
    

P.S. Expect lots of updates as I begin fundraising for this incredible journey! I leave Fall 2016 and it's going to be amazing.

being productive while procrastinating

It has been ages since I have last written anything. Not because I haven't thought of anything good. More or less because I have not had time. If you look at my rough drafts I have written quite a few just none good enough to get published. Then as I was sitting here supposedly folding laundry I decided to take a break and tell you a bit about what I have been going through in the last few month.

These last few months have been a whirlwind of chaos and emotion. After a series of unfortunate events I lost one of my best friends. We were just to the point we cared about different things and couldn't have made it work. He was really one of the few people in my life who knew everything. I went from that heart break to having a couple of the really close family members move away. After that heart break I found it hard to write about the good things when I wasn't feeling it.  In that moment of feeling down I decided what I needed was a relationship. When really the last thing I needed at that moment was a relationship. I needed God. When feeling alone and looking for a relationship I went to the place everyone who feels alone goes to look for a relationship. Online. That in itself should have been a warning flag to me. But it wasn't I talked to some really nice guys and some really sketchy ones. I ended up settling on one guy I felt I could talk to and may even have a possibility of a relationship with. He seemed nice, was a bit older and had a pretty good job. Sadly though he did not love Jesus (that should have been another red flag). But I went along with it because I felt alone. We kept seeing each other and kept moving forward in our relationship. He said we would move as slowly as I wanted and that seemed awesome to me. But even though he kept saying we would move as slowly as I wanted, he would keep pressuring me to do more. Soon I had laid all my morals aside and we started getting pretty physical. No we didn't sleep together but we did do quite a bit of other things.

Still sadly I felt alone if not a bit more so. At that point I had drawn away from my Christian friends and those around me that I generally go to because I felt like I was living in such a way that they would not have approve of who I had become. In that place I found God. I was in Missouri visiting my family and friends. Away from the loneliness in my head and in front of King of Kings. In that moment I realized that I am truly not alone no matter how it feels God is there. In the calm after your world has crashed God is there. God is there when you feel worthless or alone. God is there when you don't think you can go on any longer. He is in it all. It was an awe inspiring moment. Had you been there you probably would not have even noticed but it meant the world to me.

Then of course after the moment of awe inspiring filling of God there is always a moment of clarity on your life. Or at least that generally seems how it is in my world. In that moment I realized how much I had bent and broken for a guy I barley knew. I guy I didn't even have strong feelings for, and that is when the shame set in. But again God was there in that moment bringing to my realization his awesome love and grace. Yes there were things I had done in that dark place that I shouldn't have but that doesn't matter at the end of the day. I am nothing more than a  human but God still loves me for that. And in that moment all that mattered to me was the love of God and how Great he is. That totally pulled me back to my calling which is another story for another day.

In the last weeks and a bit since that happened I have down a lot of changing in my life to recenter it around God. I broke up with lame boy and have used that time to start reading and studying my Bible again. I have also made an effort to continue Christian relationships in my life. I know there is a long way to go before I complete my calling in life and while I am working toward that calling I am going to stumble and of course I am going to have days where I feel completely alone. But those are the moments I need to follow Jesus to the cross and go to him.

But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah may rest (yes, my pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!! -2 Corinthians 12:9

Crowhead

Here's This

I haven't written in forever and I honestly don't have much now....you just need this in your life. Enjoy!

I'm Worn

     So it's Human Trafficking Awareness month and that's what this blog was supposed to be about but...it's not. Sorry, but I will do one...eventually. Okay so STORY TIME, I was supposed to start school next week, and I was really excited. Ecstatic to go. Then everything fell through, first my financial aid didn't cover all of my classes and my van died. The school is about 45 minutes away so it's not like I can just get a ride, I have to have a car in order to get to school. No car and no school. That sucks. Then in the midst of all of this I'm losing my job and it's all very frustrating because I also need a car to get a new job. Needless to say I'm not the happiest of people. I'm stressed and frustrated because I thought I was supposed to go to school, and I have to have a job, and I need a car but I don't have the money for one. I have plans for my future and I need to go to school and it's all very frustrating and trying on one's faith. I've spent a lot of time talking to God asking why, why would you ask me to do something if you knew it wasn't going to work? Why would you put these desires in my heart if they aren't going to be fulfilled? How am I going to get a new job? How am I going to pay bills if I don't have a job? How am I going to get to work? How will I get anywhere? God what is going on? Why is everything falling apart? I know you're probably thinking, chill your life isn't falling apart. But, it feels like it some days. One day my roommate sent me this passage.

 

Psalm 37:3-7 (AMP)

"Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass. And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun of] the noonday. Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass."

 

     That my friends is an incredible verse and so I've done my best to read and meditate on this verse and apply it to my life. I started applying for tons of jobs and I had a couple interviews and none of them seemed right and I knew I should say no to them and I did and I was confused because very soon, I'll be jobless. Then out of nowhere I got a call and was offered my dream job and I jumped I said yes and I was beyond happy to say yes. I was blessed and it all started to make sense. I was given this opportunity for experience and learning and it was okay that school hadn't worked out, I could go later. Experience is often a better teacher than text books and I would be getting to do what I love and get paid to do it. It was a dream come true. That was yesterday...this morning I was listening to worship music as I made breakfast and went about my day and I started singing the lyrics, "If I let these dreams die will I find you brought me back to life. So empty my hands fill up my heart capture my mind with you." These lyrics came to be God was obviously speaking to me about school. I mean I let one dream die and God had replaced it with another. Not so, friends, not so. After I got to work today I learned that because of the situation with my vehicle and the fact that this offered position could possibly require me to have to travel at a moments notice and at inconvenient hours I was no longer eligible for the position. To say I was crushed is an understatement. I had literally called everyone I knew and told them about this job, and I was excited. I could stop the job search, I had security and would literally go zero time without a job. Now, I'm back in limbo and my last day where I currently am is in two days. I haven't cried yet but as soon as I'm alone I surely will. I'm scared, and devastated, and yes I'm sitting here in this office kind of confused by and upset with God. He's my father he's supposed to help me and nothing seems to be working out the way it should. Although, even as I sit here fighting tears and very fed up with life God has given me scriptures and songs and is speaking to me about how he's my stability. The song he gave me this morning during worship wasn't about what had happened, it was about what was going to and now is happening. He brought this scripture back to my mind and now it's time to trust and pray and seek and believe. This blog really is just me saying hey....does life honestly kind of suck? Yes, and I get it but I promise you that God is still here with us. Am I happy with the circumstances? No. Am I scared? Yes. Am I honestly frustrated even with God? Yes. BUT, I have faith that he will provide because he loves me and he will always provide for my needs. Life doesn't always make sense but God always stands firm and that's all that I need. It's when I lose sight of God that the circumstances begin to overwhelm  me and I will not let that happen. Because, Jesus Christ is bigger than my storm.

 

This video isn't the one that contains the lyrics I posted, but it is the one that describes how I feel. Not only that but it also says that while I feel this way, I know that God is still in control and still on my side.

~ Carrots

Book Asks

I haven't written a blog in a bit...and while I have some swirling around in my head this is just for fun. Maybe you'll get some good recommendations out of it. Who knows.

1: What's the first book you can remember reading as a child? Little Critter and The Nutcracker...I made my parents read me the Nutcracker every night for months.

2: Do you have any playlists you listen to while reading? Not playlists...I tend to listen to piano guys or Ed Sheeran though for reading music. Most of the time I don't listen to any music, I just read.

3: Where's your favorite place to read? I actually prefer tables or desks...but I love reading in a huge chair wrapped in a warm fluffy blanket.

4: Have you ever recommended a book that ruined someone else's life? What was it? I got my dad to read The Hunger Games....he hasn't quite been the same since Mockingjay, haha.

5: Which book had the greatest impact on your life? This is a tie between 3 different books (other than the Bible). The first one would be Hope Was Here by Joan Buar I don't know how to explain it but even when I read that book now I feel excited and hopeful. I feel like that book taught me that a completely ordinary girls can go through hell and still be okay and still accomplish something great and follow her dreams. The second Anne of Green Gables for obvious reasons (hello I am Carrots), just the lessons that I learned. It gave me a great role model, taught me to use my imagination and strength, that I can do things on my own, and so much more. Beyond The Soiled Curtain if you don't know my passion is to fight Human Trafficking and this book just broke me. It made me more passionate and opened my eyes and understanding to what I could potentially be getting myself in to.

6: Which author would you be thrilled to go out for coffee with? oh my gravy so many... June Rae Wood, Joan Buar, Mildred D Taylor, JK Rowling, Rick Riordan...Kevin Brooks for sure!
7: What questions would you ask your favorite author given the chance? I think more than anything I want to hear their personal stories and what first inspired them to write. Hear stories about the real life people that inspired their characters.
8: Which character can you relate to most? I honestly don't know...I'll go with Delrita Jensen from Turtle On A Fence Post just because that's who popped into my head first.

9: Do you have a goodreads account? yes I do.

10: Do you read fanfiction? read it, write it....ya know

11: Do you watch any booktubers? no I do not.

12: What's the prettiest book cover you've seen? I'm in love with the cover of Impossible by Nancy Werlin

13: Have you ever met any authors in person? I haven't but when I was in middle school I wrote and received 3 or 4 letters to and from June Rae Wood.

14: If you had to switch lives with one book character, who would it be? Caitlin from Lucas just because I feel like even though she has a rough life she gets to spend time with such an incredible person and that would be cool. or Hermione....now that would be stinking awesome.

15: If you were to live in any universe from books you've read, which would it be? The Percy Jackson universe for sure.

16: What is the absolute worst book you've ever read? Journey to The Center of The Earth I just hated it so much

17: Preferred reading format-- ebooks, physical books, or both? Physical but that's mainly because my eyes are bad and it hurts them to read e-books

18: When is the best time to read a book (in your opinion)? I don't have a specific time I would recommend reading....just whenever when you're in the mood for it.

19: Which books are at the top of your tbr list for 2015? Harry Potter, yeah I know...I haven't actually read them yet. Barbed Wire Butterflies, Two Kissed For Maddy, God In A Brothel, Living Like Lions, Full Circle, The Crooked Mirror, and that's just the beginning of the list.

20: Which movie adaptations of a book were actually amazing and which made you cringe? The Hunger Games did well, and even though it was nothing like the book I actually really liked the movie version of The Giver. I absolutely hated the movie adaption of Percy Jackson but I'm kind of in love with Jake Abel so what can a girl do? My Sister's Keeper was horrible too! Seriously...ya'll killed the wrong kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21: What are your top 3 books of 2014? I don't actually think that any of them came out in 2014 but they are my top 3 books that I read in 2014 for the first time! Imposter by Susanne Winnacker, Sometimes God Has a Kid's Face by Bruce Ritter, and A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers

Hope you enjoyed it and maybe found some books to read :)

~ Carrots

Thankful

     Thanksgiving is two days away and provided Hayes doesn't show up at my house and tell me I have to stay another 6 months (a little Boys of Abu Ghraib humor for ya) I'll be headed home Wednesday after I get off work. So, as a blogger it is my moral obligation to write the cliché blog about what I'm thankful for....but I'm very seriously thankful for all of these things. So, I have split my thankful list into two lists of 15....you'll understand why here in a second.

Things I'm Thankful For List One
1. Gilmore Girls....simple as that.

2. That God created fine specimens such as Jake Abel, Jared Padalecki, Chris Evans, and Scott Patterson.

3. That above specimens wear lots and lots of plaid.

4. Ed's Sheeran's voice....especially when he sings this song.

5. Brendon Urie's voice. Seriously....it's beautiful.

6. THIS! This, this, this. God Bless you Luke. This one too, "It's your butt, Luke!"

7. Cowboy boots, cowboy hats, plaid, and wranglers.

8. Bench Seat Pickup Trucks.

9. BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS!

10. Gilbert Blythe, Luke Castellan, Sam Winchester, and Luke Danes....there are all of my favorite fictional men.

11. Tumblr...the amazing, crazy, and scary world that is Tumblr.

12. Anne of Green Gables, what would be life be like without it?

13. Chinese Food and Pancakes.

14. Adventure...without adventure life wouldn't be worth living and I am so thankful for it.

15. Music...without music my life would be so empty.

Things I'm Thankful For List Two
1. I'm incredibly amazed by and thankful for my Salvation. For Jesus, that God loves me at all. That's pretty great and something to be thankful for.

2. My Parents for loving me, teaching me, supporting me, trusting me, and for being the best parents known to mankind.

3. My little sister, she's taught me so much and let me tell you she keeps me grounded and never lets me get full of myself. She's so smart and talented and honest. I'm honored that I not only get to be her sister but her friend as well.

4. My church family and the fact that I am able to serve on the Praise Team and in the Youth Group.

5. My best friend Kate. Thank you for being the Crowhead to my Carrots and for always being there when I need you, even if you are in a different Country...I can't imagine life without you. Thank you for knowing my deepest darkest secrets and loving me anyway.

6. My other best friend Brooke. The Dean to my Sam. Shawn to my Cory. Thank you for understanding me, putting up with me, for letting me cry. For taking care of me when I'm sick and letting me be grumpy Luke in the mornings. Adventures, sarcasm, and butt kicking are all much appreciated and needed in my life.

7. Honor Academy of the Ozarks and my experience there. For the people it brought into my life especially my CA Blanca and my Core from my second year, Jesse Jo. Without the HAO and all I learned there I would be an awful person. Without these two lovely ladies I would be lost. They both taught me so much and bring so much joy to my life. Thankful to Blanca for staying up late with me and guiding me and giving advice. I'm thankful to Jesse for teaching me how to love with the God kind of love and for being sassy and making everyday interesting.

8. All of my amazing and incredible mentors/friends that I have in my life. Melissa and Ashley, I can't even begin to explain what you mean to me and how thankful I am that God placed you in my life.

9. For food on my table, a roof over my head, and shoes on my feet. Cliché but very true and I never want to take these things for granted.

10. For my Swaggin' Wagon that gets me to work everyday (well most days).

11. Nightlight and that I get to work with them on weekends. The work they do is phenomenal and I'm thankful that I get the opportunity to get involved with something that I am passionate about and truly feel called to.

12. For friends that make life interesting and fantastic....even If you don't get an individual shoutout I still love you.

13. I am thankful for my passions and talents and skills. That I am capable of doing what I love and what I feel called to. That I have the ability to write and sing and work with teenagers and Nightlight. That I can do what I enjoy.

14. My health and that even after all that time spent in the hospital this past summer I am perfectly healthy.

15. God's direction, guidance, and never ending grace.

~Carrots

God Told Me To Go, Jesse Told Me To Write About It

     I'm writing this honestly because Jesse told me I should. We were sitting outside Starbuck, Carmel Brule latte in hand, gazing at the Christmas lights our town had already put up when I started telling her this story. Before I was done something along the lines of, "Why haven't you blogged about this, you need to blog about this now." Came out of her mouth. That was Monday....it's Thursday and I'm finally getting around to starting this post. At first I wanted to be selfish and keep it for me, I wanted my little story and experience to belong to me. God gave it to me. Then I started thinking about how ridiculous I was being, what if someone else needed to hear this? That's why God reveals things to us isn't it? So we can pour it into other people? Well, here's my little story and my little experience that made a big impact for me personally.
    
     Little bit of back story....I work a part time job at a local non-profit. As you can imagine this pays basically nothing and I literally have no idea how I manage to pay rent and buy groceries every month. I had been praying and felt God telling me to stay at my job a little while longer, this is frustrating. I also developed the overwhelming desire and need to start college in January, I prayed about it and felt like I should start applying but I can't afford even one class without financial aid so it felt like a big joke and fruitless endeavor. This is extremely frustrating. My life has basically been stress and penny pinching and become depressed and anxious about my future and worrying about every little thing. A couple weeks ago my sister came to stay with me for the weekend, after church on Sunday I met my parents half way and dropped her off.

     As I was starting the drive back to Missouri I realized that I would have 2 1/2 hours in the car alone so I started to pray, and sing, I turned on worship music, and I spent that time with God. When I got about 45 minutes away from home I had this overwhelming urge of, I need to go to church tonight. The thing is my church doesn't normally have Sunday night services and even if we did I wouldn't have made it back in time. Then God dropped a church I had driven past on my way out in my head. It was about 20 minutes up the road and I knew that I could make it as long as I didn't stop, I didn't even know the denomination of the church, I just knew that, that was where I needed to be that night. I pull into the parking lot at 5:59, the sign says church starts at 6:00....there are only 2 cars in the parking lot. Anyway so I go inside and the Pastor is there with a couple people from the church and low and behold on the last Sunday of the month they don't have an evening service they have an afternoon fellowship and afternoon service instead. Basically, I showed up for church and there was no church. So, I end up going into his office to speak with him. Throughout our conversation I mentioned that my dad is a Pastor.
      "Oh, where is you dad a Pastor?"
      "Kansas," I told him.
      Turns out he was from Kansas too. He had been born there, raised there, graduated high school, met his wife, and got married there. Naturally I asked him where in Kansas he was from expecting Topeka or Salina but no...he looked at me and said, "Arkansas City." I stopped....because that's where I'm from and once you leave Ark City you never run into anyone from Ark City ever again until you go back for a visit. It's just one of those towns that no one leaves...so I knew right then and there that was a total God thing, and God had my absolute undivided attention. When I told him I was from Ark City I saw the look on his face, he knew, he knew I was here for a very specific reason.

      The details of our conversation aren't too important and honestly I won't lie, this is getting to be a long post and I've probably lost most of you at this point and I'm too lazy to write the whole thing anyway. Basically, after that all I told him was that I was currently working and trying to go to school. I didn't tell him anything about my financial situation or how hard it is for me to go to school or anything.

     Out of the blue, and what seemed rather off topic, he told me that the story of how he met his wife is incredible. Of course I thought he would then tell me the story of how he met his wife. Instead he said, "Let me tell you what I learned from our story. I learned to trust God. To completely let go of my life and let him take control. I learned that when I let go he works it out. He brings us amazing and better things, he brings us to new places. We have to stop trying to figure out and make it work because that's not our job, it's his. God figures out. The desires of our hearts, the things we want, our plans, and the things that God has called and asked us to do that seem impossible...we can't stress over them. We can't crunch the numbers and lay awake at night and worry about it. We can't make the move on our own and try to make it fit together and work. If God called us to do it, if he placed the desire in our heart then he'll make it work. He'll come in and bring all together but not until we set it down and let him completely have it."

     Talk about hearing exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't say much I just nodded and smiled and soaked it all in. Then before I left he asked if he could pray for me and I said yes. We started praying and it was a pretty typical, thank you for bringing her here, type of prayer. Then in the middle of praying he pauses and starts again with, "Lord, just take this time to remind Kaitlin that you are her security. Financially, physically, spiritually, emotionally...you are her security. You're her provider and her protector and she doesn't need to worry because you care for her."

     Again....right what I needed to hear. Even as I type it, I need to hear it again. Man...I really don't know how to wrap up this blog only to say maybe you needed this too. Trust God, and yeah. I leave you with a promise to work on my conclusions.

~Carrots